Most of us have a fairly good idea about what assertiveness is. But most people don’t fully understand it. After all, ours is a society that’s full of myths and misconceptions at the best of times
Well, “communicating assertively” has its own share of myths and misconceptions, so let’s address at least eight common ones!
What Are Some Misconceptions About Communicating Assertively?
Before moving any further, let’s quickly address a few things about being assertive and ‘fixing your communication’, so to speak:
Many people have a mental block in their minds about communicating the right way – i.e. by being assertive. Not only that, but a general lack of confidence and, at times, being too aggressive means they pass off assertiveness as something that they either don’t need or don’t have to learn.
People tend to write off assertiveness as an essential life and professional skill because of their inability to communicate effectively. Furthermore, their lack of knowledge around what being assertive actually means or how to fix their communication through assertiveness, means that they miss out on a tonne of essential communications skills which can be built through assertiveness alone nyctional!
You’ll also see people believing that handling matters passively is just “the way they are”, whereas what they should be doing is to understand that they absolutely have as much right to stand up for their needs as anyone else. Boom! This is where assertiveness comes in.
Of course, if you’re really interested in communicating assertively, you could do worse than check some of these fun, insightful, and in-depth courses.
So, why do most people shy away from assertiveness or dismiss it as unimportant? In large part, we’d say that it may be due to these common misconceptions:
Misconception #1 – Being Assertive Means Being Rude
Just – no!
You’ll see a lot of people believing they can’t be assertive because they don’t want to come across as rude. But in reality, they’re allowing people to trample over them and treat them unfairly!
We have been conditioned for the most part since childhood to always be polite and agree with others, that it is kind to say ‘yes’ and remain quiet when someone disagrees.
Communicating your concerns, desires, issues, or point of view isn’t being rude. You just need to do it in a calm, clear, and direct way.
Misconception #2 – Being Assertive Means Being Selfish
Newsflash: wrong again!
Assertiveness demands that you become an advocate for your needs and those of others. Unfortunately, in most ‘modern’ societies, thinking of ourselves supposedly makes us selfish. Some even go as far as to describe these people as self-absorbed … narcissistic, even.
On the contrary, being assertive is actually assigning the same importance towards your needs and desires as those of others. Assertive people don’t make demands: they make requests.
Misconception #3 – An Assertive Person Is A Difficult Person
Let’s go ahead and knock this down, shall we?
Many people in relationships have a hard time saying “no” because they fear that they may come across as a difficult person to deal with. So, they say “yes” almost every time just to make everyone happy – and probably don’t find happiness within themselves.
Being assertive doesn’t mean that you’re demanding, difficult, bossy, or bullheaded. It means that you know where you stand and aren’t shy to let others know where you stand. What’s wrong with that?
Misconception #4 – Assertive People Are Aggressive People
Aggressive people tend to be hostile and indifferent in their interactions, which often stems from a state of defensiveness and insecurity. So it’s not surprising if they resort to criticism and even personal attacks.
But this isn’t assertiveness! Assertiveness is the opposite – assertive people show respect for others and value their thoughts as well as opinions.
Acknowledging a problem, for example, whether it’s in a personal relationship or a work situation, doesn’t mean you’re being aggressive or violating anyone’s space. You’re simply stating facts and proposing a rational solution.
Misconception #5 – Assertiveness Is A Singular Or Standalone Skill
Assertiveness is, in fact, a highly nuanced and complex skill. It’s a mindset and comprises a set of skills. It’s a type of behaviour and communication style. We could go on.
Because of its complexity, assertiveness has been linked to a variety of skills which can be the subject of different learning processes. These include emotional intelligence, self-confidence and self-esteem, empathy, critical thinking … and more ustunelyfe.
Self-development is an ongoing process. And assertiveness is a part of that process: not a standalone skill..
Misconception #6 – Emotional Intelligence And Assertiveness Are The Same Thing
Well, they aren’t. But emotional intelligence is nevertheless an important component of assertiveness because it has to do with understanding and managing your emotions while empathising with others.
When providing feedback to someone, for example, instead of belittling them, you can calmly say: “Can we explore what the issues are and work toward a solution?”
This approach uses emotional awareness to act as a guide for a productive conversation, clearly demonstrating that assertiveness is quite rightly grounded in emotional intelligence.
But as we say, they’re not the same thing.
Misconception #7 – Confidence And Assertiveness Are The Same Thing
Another common misconception about assertiveness is that it’s the same as confidence.
Well, assertiveness is neither confidence nor is it a measure of confidence. Rather, it’s a component of confidence. Showing assertiveness is a great way of building your confidence, but they aren’t the same thing.
Misconception #8 – Being Assertive Comes Naturally Or You’re Born With It
The belief that assertiveness is an innate quality is plain wrong.
Being assertive doesn’t depend on your culture, gender, or personality. It’s not dependent on whether you’re born with it or not. It’s a quality that is learned and practiced over time. Assertive people learn assertiveness not by relying on their genes or their environment, but by honing all the factors that make it up.
Conclusion
In the grand scheme of things, assertiveness is simply one aspect of improving your communication.
But it’s often either overlooked or dismissed out of hand. However, if you read the points we’ve raised in this article, you’ll see there’s very little basis for this. So don’t make the same mistake: work on your assertiveness and reap the rewards!
