Thread: How Not to Fail: A guide for the average noob

Many of you have probably observed me inform someone that they fail. Perhaps it has happened to you. I'm here to teach all of you how to avoid this. This guide is a work in progress; more parts are forthcoming.

So without further ado,

How Not to Fail: A guide for the average noob

Part 1

A) The following post is unedited. It was taken from the AdultSwim forums and is the first post in a topic entitled "what da **bleep** is moral orel and who da hell wants to watch it":

Originally Posted by lazyjay817

the previews for that show looks hella gay. it looks like something a little kid would watch and it gives me a perfect reason to change the channel when it comes on.

The following is the signature of the author of the post, completely unedited:

Originally Posted by lazyjay817

I KILL EVERY THREAD WHEN I POST...for real

I love hip hop, i just hate da niggas in it

The first part of my response to the thread:

Originally Posted by CI181

Failure. Pure failure is what this thread consists of. Your use of the word "gay" renders your post meaningless, as using it as an insult is the sort of thing only an idiot punk in middle school would do.

Later on, he posted this:

Originally Posted by lazylay817

you say that cuz maybe you know or have kids that say that and know men who say that because your strangely felicitous. you dont realize grown **bleep** men say it too?

The creator of the post has made a number of inexcusable errors:

1) His second post is barely readable, as are the rest of his posts in that topic. This stems from a problem I like to call "failing English class". Grammar nazis take a lot of crap but I can understand where they are coming from. Your posts don't need to be perfectly written masterpieces, but they'd better be intelligible. Furthermore, anyone who uses "da" instead of "the" in a post is a complete failure and should commit suicide promptly. There is no word "da" in the English language. I'm pretty lenient with misspellings but when someone goes so far as to type "da" they deserve no pity.

2) He used a word he doesn't understand. I'll let you find this one. Here's a hint for those of you who want to pretend to be intelligent: don't use words you don't know! This should be obvious.

3) Use of the word "gay". The word "gay" is invalid as an insult. It is the insult of middle schoolers. Those who use it as an insult fail.

4) Homophobia and racism. They have no place on the internet.

Hopefully you have gained some understanding from that. Moving on to more general rules:

B) Don't post like a middle school student. I touched upon this earlier. Use of the words "gay", "fag", or "homo" as insults is a no-no.

C) Do not under any circumstances use the word "pimp" as a positive. Some of you saw what happened when a certain poster made a topic about Nishi being a "pimp". The word "pimp" denotes one who runs a ring of prostitutes, most likely beating them, distributing drugs, and taking money from people. This is not a good thing. Pimps are not to be idolized, no matter how much the MTV-style rappers tell you.

D) Speaking of which, don't post like a rapper. When I say "rapper" I speak of the 50 Cent variation; worthless fools who spread ignorance. Their music sucks. They cannot speak English. They are not to be imitated.

E) Do NOT use the eye roll emoticon. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's this obnoxious thing here: . It's quite possibly the most arrogant thing you can do in a post. It also fails as a response.

F) On the topic of emoticons, don't overuse them. One or two per post is acceptable if your post is multiple sentences long, but people who end every sentence with an emoticon fail. Furthermore, ending all of your posts with the same out-of-context emoticon is an idiotic thing to do. It's not stylish; don't do it.

G) Responding to a well-thought out argument with a juvenile or off-topic insult. For example, imagine I reply to a stupid post explaining exactly why the poster is an idiot and what he must do to atone for his grievous sins. He replies saying "omg yur gay". This is an example of what not to do.

H) Do not make worthless posts. A worthless post often consists of a brief comment such as "hahahaha u got dissed!" or an inane emoticon used incorrectly. Saying "No problem" to someone who thanks you or thanking someone is acceptable; though short the post serves a purpose.

I) This one relates to this forum in particular. Do not make posts asking where scanlations of the latest chapter are. If the chapter has been scanlated there will be a topic about it.

J) Do not make a post that has been made before recently, especially if the original post if three posts below the new one. Check the forum before you post!

K) Don't make topics asking if the new raw is out. I've been over this before: If the raw is out there will be at least one topic about it.

L) Do not, I repeat DO NOT post in languages other than English on an English speaking board such as this one. If you're on a French board speak only French. If you're on a Spanish board speak only Spanish. The only exception is if there is a designated area for alternate-language posts.

M) Above all else,

Think before you post!

May this guide serve as a beacon for the many noobs stumbling in the darkness.

I completely agree with all things stated but I doubt anyone will follow such rules... The internet is an extremely stupid place and sometimes its useless to try...

Please before you try to make a serious topic do not fill it up with hypocritical statements.

First, this entire forum consists of people from all over the world, the belief in one language is foolish coming from a person whom pretends to be intelligent. With all due respect, this is the twenty-first century where becoming a poly-lingual is idolized. Do not dare post statements that openly show your naive and arrogant views.

Do not try to globalize this society further by trying to make everyone conform. I hope you understand the apocryphal of which you try to impose on us or anyone with this topic.

say what you like, but it needed to be said hanlesky. and its not like members are obliged to follow these, its more like a friendly reminder.

but your one to talk about naive and arrogant....your views on the xbox's superiorness (<--- new word) are interesting.... argue with me if you like but i probably wont reply...its off topic i can admit that

Originally Posted by Hanlesky

Please before you try to make a serious topic do not fill it up with hypocritical statements.

First, this entire forum consists of people from all over the world, the belief in one language is foolish coming from a person whom pretends to be intelligent. With all due respect, this is the twenty-first century where becoming a poly-lingual is idolized. Do not dare post statements that openly show your naive and arrogant views.

Do not try to globalize this society further by trying to make everyone conform. I hope you understand the apocryphal of which you try to impose on us or anyone with this topic.

I'll be talking about these kinds of posts shortly.

I don't care if there are people who speak multiple languages on here. I speak multiple languages myself. The fact is this is an English-speaking board and should be treated as such. It is arrogant to speak a language other than English here, not to expect that only English be spoken.

Now get the fuck out of my thread.

What if I posted something like, "I don't give a ƒuck."
Would that automatically default as a failure also?

It depends on the circumstances. If, for example, you're responding to an emo kid whining about life, your post would be completely justified. However, in most cases that would fail as a response.

Originally Posted by coolerimmortal

Originally Posted by Hanlesky

Please before you try to make a serious topic do not fill it up with hypocritical statements.

First, this entire forum consists of people from all over the world, the belief in one language is foolish coming from a person whom pretends to be intelligent. With all due respect, this is the twenty-first century where becoming a poly-lingual is idolized. Do not dare post statements that openly show your naive and arrogant views.

Do not try to globalize this society further by trying to make everyone conform. I hope you understand the apocryphal of which you try to impose on us or anyone with this topic.

I'll be talking about these kinds of posts shortly.

I don't care if there are people who speak multiple languages on here. I speak multiple languages myself. The fact is this is an English-speaking board and should be treated as such. It is arrogant to speak a language other than English here, not to expect that only English be spoken.

Now get the fuck out of my thread.

What about that sentence in bold would that constitute as a failure also?

Originally Posted by tommyboi

Originally Posted by coolerimmortal

Originally Posted by Hanlesky

Please before you try to make a serious topic do not fill it up with hypocritical statements.

First, this entire forum consists of people from all over the world, the belief in one language is foolish coming from a person whom pretends to be intelligent. With all due respect, this is the twenty-first century where becoming a poly-lingual is idolized. Do not dare post statements that openly show your naive and arrogant views.

Do not try to globalize this society further by trying to make everyone conform. I hope you understand the apocryphal of which you try to impose on us or anyone with this topic.

I'll be talking about these kinds of posts shortly.

I don't care if there are people who speak multiple languages on here. I speak multiple languages myself. The fact is this is an English-speaking board and should be treated as such. It is arrogant to speak a language other than English here, not to expect that only English be spoken.

Now get the fuck out of my thread.

What about that sentence in bold would that constitute as a failure also?

Nope. It's backed up with other statements explaining it.

Originally Posted by coolerimmortal

It depends on the circumstances. If, for example, you're responding to an emo kid whining about life, your post would be completely justified. However, in most cases that would fail as a response.

What if it was a response to a poster whining about the forum.