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Thread: Ask Dr. Ecchi

  1. #31
    yellowfever is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    Boils down to experience eh. Thanx for the info.

  2. #32
    l0g0s is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    *ahem* For oral, keep your eyes open, it counteracts the gag reflex.

  3. #33
    b3g0 is offline Senior Member Regular
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    Wow, dont just say foreplay is important - explain what foreplay really is - and what roles they play for the female body. If i were a clueless virgin who just came out of a hole, i wouldnt really know what real foreplay is. Instead, i'd take false examples from eg: bragging friends, porn, weird articles, etc.

    Also, i'd like to point out that foreplay is different to different women. Some like em gentle, some like em rough, etc. But for virgins, the rule should be simple enough. I've had enough (unpleasant) experience with virgins to know that the utmost concern in their mind is the fact that they're going to lose their virginity. Also, according to different women in different experiences - women react differently to this. For now, i'm just going to assume that we're talking about normal women who are virgins and are willing to have sex with you, the boyfriend/fiancee/husband, etc.

    Other than that, i'd better not say more... ::shudders::

    Back to the topic, foreplay to virgins to me is much more important and much more delicate than it has to be. Why do so many people say that foreplay is important here, foreplay is important there? The obvious reason that people normally give is because you need to get the girl to be aroused enough so that her body will produce the fluids necessary for sex - that way, it wouldnt hurt that much.

    Yeah yeah - foreplay is important alright - but to a VIRGIN that is not of the utmost important. What i find to be the most important experience for a virgin isn't the foreplay to reduce the pain. They're most likely gonna experience pain anyways regardless of how much foreplaying you do. Instead, what i think the most important thing for a virgin is reassurance. The feeling of reassurance is what they need the most. And foreplay part of the things you can do to help her feel more reassured.

    A virgin who's clueless about sex (other than hearing it in sex ed and sometimes from friends, etc) usually has a misconception about it. Will it hurt bad? Will i be able to handle the pain? What if i regret my decision later on? Will i get pregnant? What about all those scary diseases? It's the guy's job to make her feel secure about these things (and probably there are others that i haven't mentioned too) in order to make her first time experience a pleasant experience that would make her smile whenever she reminisces about in the future.

    Foreplay is all about our five senses. All of them play a part. In a soft, sensual lovemaking, all your senses should've been heightened and do keep note about them. How her silhouette looks in the dark (assuming lights are off - girls are usually shy in their first time), the smell of her hair, the feeling of her skin, the sound of her breathing and the taste of her lips. COMPLIMENT HER ON ALL OF THE ABOVE.

    Reassure her.

    Let her have an experience whereby she feels completely at ease.
    Do not even try making her experience an orgasm.
    That comes later.

    *note: i seriously discourage trying to go down on a girl (cunnilingus/oral sex) the first time you make love to a virgin. Reason being, the virgins i've encountered till now are really shy and unfamiliar with their own bodies. Only a woman comfortable enough with her sexuality wouldnt mind a guy going down on her. Dont take that risk with a virgin - chances are - she might not like it. Then again, i'm from an asian background and different cultures, believes and mindsets are different.

    In my opinion, our body's most potent way to make a girl around is our hands (palms, back of our hand, and the tips of our fingers), our lips, and our tongue. Use them to your advantage. If you've heard people say that the girls's most erronous zone is XX or YY or ZZ, forget all about it. Dont just go there and concentrate on only that. Because in actuallity they only make you lose out on the greater good. Use your hands, lips and tongue everywhere BUT those places. The whole woman body is a huge erronous zone if done slowly and properly. Save the best parts for the last - when you can see/hear that she's breathing deeply and her body language tells you that she's ready.

    Be generous with kisses,
    Kisses arent only meant to be for lips to lips.
    Caress all over her body,
    And be a gentleman while doing it.
    (dont grope her breasts or attack her genitals like a hungry beast)
    When she's ready,
    Tongue on certain places really create wonderful sighs from her.
    (i dont mean cunnilingus/oral sex)

    Done correctly and i'm sure she'll be the one begging you to put it in her.

    At that point of time, be sure to use your ego deflater cause your ego's gonna expand like bread in an oven. Now why do i say use an ego deflater? Because you're not supposed to jump the gun and stop trying to please her or reassure her. If you did, and just plunged into her without any consideration - it's gonna hurt so bad for her that it could possibly feel like rape.

    Instead, go slow. Insert millimeters by millimeters. Real slowly. Only apply minimum pressure. At the same time dont stop reassuring her. Caress her hair, pat her head, soft whispers to the ear, give her soft kisses, kiss her forehead. Things like that. At this point of time, dont worry about how long you're able to last. Virgins arent looking for stallions who can f4ck for hours on end. Also, most guys cum way too fast on their first times too. Dont worry about this. Such things improve with practice.

    After the deed is done. Post-play is important too. If foreplay is the thing you do before the play, then postplay is the thing you do after the play. Simple enough? Now, dont be a jerk and just run away from her after you're done. Cuddle. Say sweet nothings. Mushi stuffs that your guy friends would never thought that you could say. Be romantic. Be honest.


    I welcome any comments or questions.
    However smartass comments still better be kept to oneself.
    I'm:
    A hikikomori in recovery.
    A recurring hikikomori.
    Stepping into adulthood.
    Working full-time for less than 200 USD a month

    (T___T) <<-- tears of despair

    and finally....

    WORSHIP THE CHINKO: http://img.29g.net/flash/swf5/121511.swf

  4. #34
    Coldfuzion is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    *sighs* foreplay is only limited to what you believe is foreplay. With the right minset and imagination anything can be erotic. For example feathers appear useless but if you blindfold the girl and slowly brush some areas gently with the feather i'm pretty sure she'll respond. Limiting foreplay to a certain set of rules is good in the beginning but it becomes boring. Best thing to do is to read up on it, practice it and than think of exciting things to try. Your only limitation is your imagination.

    For me foreplay is like painting a picture or playing a very delicate instrument. If you keep going with the rules, sure it looks pretty but than all your painting or pieces look the same. Adding your own personal touch to it is a good thing.

    Other things to try:

    Turning the lights on or off. Using candles is pretty good and romantic. Sometimes feeling each other out in the dark is good too.

    Using soft smelling fragrances. Lavendar is a good one. Anything light and soft smelling. Its been shown that lighter smelling fragrances are liked better by women.

    Using silk or other soft material as scarves. Obviously it can be used as tying a person up. Not all Super bondage but you know to let it seem as if she has less control over the situation. Or you can use it to lightly brush her with.

    Blindfolds. Taking out one of the senses temporarily heightens the others. Plus not knowing where she will be touched next or with what is always good.

    Just some things. Not alot. If your girl is into other things by all means go for it. No one is perfect at actually having sex but everyone can be perfect or really damn good at foreplay since its all about training and how imaginative you can be.

  5. #35
    aznsk8s87 is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    What would you guys recommend to a first time guy with a first time girl?

  6. #36
    Coldfuzion is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    Quote Originally Posted by aznsk8s87
    What would you guys recommend to a first time guy with a first time girl?
    The topic of foreplay was covered above numerous times so read above for it. Second do not expect to be super stellar the first time. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Be gentle and slow putting it in. If its her first time and your first time don't let it go to your head that your about to have sex. When that happens your gonna just jab it in, thrust for a few seconds and finish in less than a minute. Always keep a cool head. Do a lot of foreplay before you go to the actual sex. Remember girls have more errogenous areas than men. Some areas are but not excluded to: her lips (no brainer), ears, back of the neck (this area has nerve endings that connect to the clit), her clavicle (that indentation on her neck where the bones meet), her breasts (obvious), her nipples (more obvious), stomach, small of back, inner thighs, and obviously the vagina and clitoris. Anyways the reason I'm telling this is because many men focus on just the breasts and clitoris which works cus they are the most sensitive areas but if you work with the other areas you can slowly build up her "desires".

    When your actually doing the deed, and since its your first time, you'll probly end up in the missionary. Although i don't like this position much since it makes men orgasm faster than other positions its sorta a no brainer position so many ppl do it. Once your in the missionary start to put it in slow. Don't loose your cool like i said. Once its in and shes comfy with it (wait a few seconds with it in till shes ok) than you can begin thrusting. Most first timers will however go crazy and make bunny sex (ie. they go jackhammer on the poor girl and try to go faster and faster). While this kind of rough sex is ok if shes a first timer it will probly hurt her more. So slow and deliberate thrusts are good. Bring the penis almost alll out and than slowly put it all in. You can pick up the speed slowly with each thrust.

    Also try putting a pillow under her bum so that her vagina is raised more. This way the clitoris and g spot is hit. You can decide which gets more attention by the angle of your thrust. If you thrust at a higher angle the clit gets more attention. Lower angles focus more on the g spot. Alternate between these 2.

    Sex is mostly mental. When you let the fact that your doing it go to your head you instantly orgasm (more or less). Try to keep your mind off of what your doing, but not too preoccupied or you will lose your hardon. Also remember that if your hands are not doing anything while your having sex than you should do something with them. You can even stroke her clitoris (that bump at the top of her vagina) with one hand while you lower the angles of your strokes to hit her g spot.

    My last advice is simple. Just go for it. Don't be nervous. Keep it together and you should be ok. Every time you have sex its sorta like stepping into a boxing ring to see how long you can last.

  7. #37
    skafreak100 is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    also for the guy expect it to last like 3-5 sec....just like the manga, but dont worry the more you do it, well most the time, it will last longer, but even after that dont expect it to last more then 15 min, or just make sure you have some lube with you

  8. #38
    ice2002 is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    got 2 quick qns.

    1) I know what's a clitoris, but what's a g spot?

    2) so what you do when the girl's body clearly says she wants it but her mind isn't ready to lose her virginity? I respect that but it's also rather undeniable that I want sex.

    thanks =]

  9. #39
    God_of_Path is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    Hey, does the time it takes you to get off "on your own" have any correlation to how long you'll last in bed? Also, what's the average time for guy to last "on his own"? I'm a guy.

  10. #40
    Coldfuzion is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    Quote Originally Posted by ice2002
    got 2 quick qns.

    1) I know what's a clitoris, but what's a g spot?

    2) so what you do when the girl's body clearly says she wants it but her mind isn't ready to lose her virginity? I respect that but it's also rather undeniable that I want sex.

    thanks =]
    Ooo loaded questions. Nice nice.

    1) The G spot or Grafenberg spot (named after the person that hypothesized its existence) is sort of like the female version of the males prostate gland. Anatomically speaking its right behind the Urethral sponge which is partly responsible for the ejaculation from it by some females. It is an area located on the frontal wall of the vagina about 5 cm or 2 inchs in. Its about the size of a quarter or a bit more than that. Ofcourse this does not mean you go straight for it right from the beginning. You are able to tell the difference between the G spot and the smooth soft muscles of the vagina since the G spot has a rough texture feel to it. This however only comes out when the woman is thoroughly aroused. If the woman is not aroused and you try to find the G spot than good luck. Other than that stimulating the G spot can result in an ejaculate of various amounts in some women (i believe its 1 in 4 women can squirt). If you wish to stimulate the G spot there are some ways. You can use devices that do it for you or your fingers. One way to do it with your fingers is to put 2 inside and feel for the spot. Once your finger tips are on it do a come hither motion with your fingertips. You can also do small circles on this spot using your fingertips. For added pleasure use your other hand to press on the outside wall downward. This will pretty much squish the g spot between your hands forcing more friction on it. The G spot must be handled a bit roughly but not too roughly. Also with the hand outside you can stimulate her clitoris while pressing down. An orgasm from the G spot can cause convulsions, multiple orgasms, and squirting so be aware of this. If your girl starts bucking like a horse shes liking it.

    2) This is a psychological problem. I don't do mental problems. This is her problem to deal with. I just work with the body not the mind. My advice is not to force it. If you do it will probly have a negative or even reverse effect.

 

 
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