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  1. #1
    ruffneck168 is offline Member Frequent Poster
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    43

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    these are my poems and i hope u appreciate them

    but as a rule id like to follow what someone else wrote..
    - please do not flame me but criticize
    - do not post your own poems up

    these poems are mine and if by accident i took someone elses sorri...

    roses are black:

    roses have thorns
    violets arent blue
    my heart is torn
    because of you


    Black Heart:

    blood pulses through my wrist
    bursting out through the cut
    i grimace as i clench my fist
    i keep my black heart shut
    remember my last kiss
    for it will be my last

    dying:

    sun beams through the window
    penetrating my dark abode
    as i lay dying my blood starts to flow
    lining up the window sill, crows
    no one cares, it makes me feel so cold

    this ones for that special someone`its not done yet tho`

    waiting on time:

    And how we waste our time
    just waiting for someone fine
    we find who we should love
    but in the end were never certain of
    wait now that ive found you
    I feel that im the fool
    This is my fate giving in
    To your lips and your eyes
    I feel like im in your life
    But it doesnít really matter
    my hearts shattered
    to be the one to blame
    Fate seems to recreate
    No one can really escape

    tearing my apart:

    Thorns and barbs surrounding my heart
    Ripping and shredding my sanity
    Beastial animosity welling up inside me
    As the darkness binds me, tormenting
    Anguish and pain to my tortured soul

    The scars and cuts of love
    Nothing can fill this empty void
    As push comes to shove
    Iím torn, only anger and sadness remain
    Blatant and raw emotion is all thatís left.



    my metal poem...
    the rising:

    As darkness rises the music of hell will go on
    Not even god can stop this movement
    the pain, anger and violence, it unites us all
    this black aura, only found here is a compliment
    spawn of darkness, this is the music we bring
    through all damnation we rise, we will not fall

  2. #2
    RoseBladeSamurai is offline Junior Member Newbie
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Rhode Island
    Posts
    18

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    Ruffneck: Here are my comments on your poetry.

    Roses Are Black - I did not like this poem because it was a spinoff of Roses are Red.
    Black Heart - This poem was really dark, but it came off as not a depressing poem, but a poem written for the sole purpose of appearing emo.
    Dying - All though this poem also appeared as if it were intended to be emo I liked it because of your use of imagry. (And I'm a sucker for words like abode and abyss.)
    Wasting on Time - Only one thing to say, forced rhyme.
    Tearing My Apart - The only thing I can say to this is, I didn't like it. I don't know why, but it just didn't seem right to me.
    The Rising - I liked the emotion put into it and the message inlayed in the words.

    Some Tips - Try staying away from rhyming. Rhyming is ok as long as it is not forced, a lot of your rhymes are forced. Don't focus to much on emo stereotypical poetry. A poem that is dark and full or negative emotion has much more meaning than a poem that is simply talking about death and physical harm.
    Sig removed (too big).

  3. #3
    ShadowsHunter is offline Junior Member Newbie
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    14

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    I do not agree with RoseBladeSamurai. Despite all he said, I love the dark emotions and thought felt through your poem. Keep writing.
    It is better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.

  4. #4
    Jyuu's Avatar
    Jyuu is offline Super Moderator Community Builder
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    6,689

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    When I read the thread title, I thought it was our resident emo kid Csuti.

 

 

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