these are my poems and i hope u appreciate them
but as a rule id like to follow what someone else wrote..
- please do not flame me but criticize
- do not post your own poems up
these poems are mine and if by accident i took someone elses sorri...
roses are black:
roses have thorns
violets arent blue
my heart is torn
because of you
blood pulses through my wrist
bursting out through the cut
i grimace as i clench my fist
i keep my black heart shut
remember my last kiss
for it will be my last
sun beams through the window
penetrating my dark abode
as i lay dying my blood starts to flow
lining up the window sill, crows
no one cares, it makes me feel so cold
this ones for that special someone`its not done yet tho`
waiting on time:
And how we waste our time
just waiting for someone fine
we find who we should love
but in the end were never certain of
wait now that ive found you
I feel that im the fool
This is my fate giving in
To your lips and your eyes
I feel like im in your life
But it doesnít really matter
my hearts shattered
to be the one to blame
Fate seems to recreate
No one can really escape
tearing my apart:
Thorns and barbs surrounding my heart
Ripping and shredding my sanity
Beastial animosity welling up inside me
As the darkness binds me, tormenting
Anguish and pain to my tortured soul
The scars and cuts of love
Nothing can fill this empty void
As push comes to shove
Iím torn, only anger and sadness remain
Blatant and raw emotion is all thatís left.
my metal poem...
As darkness rises the music of hell will go on
Not even god can stop this movement
the pain, anger and violence, it unites us all
this black aura, only found here is a compliment
spawn of darkness, this is the music we bring
through all damnation we rise, we will not fall
Ruffneck: Here are my comments on your poetry.
Roses Are Black - I did not like this poem because it was a spinoff of Roses are Red.
Black Heart - This poem was really dark, but it came off as not a depressing poem, but a poem written for the sole purpose of appearing emo.
Dying - All though this poem also appeared as if it were intended to be emo I liked it because of your use of imagry. (And I'm a sucker for words like abode and abyss.)
Wasting on Time - Only one thing to say, forced rhyme.
Tearing My Apart - The only thing I can say to this is, I didn't like it. I don't know why, but it just didn't seem right to me.
The Rising - I liked the emotion put into it and the message inlayed in the words.
Some Tips - Try staying away from rhyming. Rhyming is ok as long as it is not forced, a lot of your rhymes are forced. Don't focus to much on emo stereotypical poetry. A poem that is dark and full or negative emotion has much more meaning than a poem that is simply talking about death and physical harm.
I do not agree with RoseBladeSamurai. Despite all he said, I love the dark emotions and thought felt through your poem. Keep writing. ;)
When I read the thread title, I thought it was our resident emo kid Csuti.