First off can the mods please close this:

Trial of Essen Chant Chapter 1 almost completed needs feedback

Thank you

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The only way to grow as a writer is to know what you are doing wrong and work to make a story the best it can be. So any suggestions, comments, crits, or just basic feed back would be of great help.

These chapters where broken up into scenes to be used in the formation of an animated short I am creating to go with this for school so any help at this piont would be great.

Well here it is most of the first chapter of Trials of Essen Chant

http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/4/...%201%202.0.doc
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(Please read after you read the chapter thank you)

Well that is the chapter so far am still working on making it better. The next scene will be a four way battle between Tyion, Matchitehew, Matchitisiw, and Ohanzee and will lead up to the closing scene when Yamka is captured and the others trying to get Enypay safety after getting hit but the arrow.

Here is the storyline for the next chapter:

Chapter 2- Family VS Friendship

Storyline-

Hania unknowingly begins the first test in the Trials of Essen Chant. His friendship with Yamka, and the love of his father will push him to make the hardest decision ever faced in his young life. With the help of the great warrior Tyion will Hania save his friend Yamka from the grasp of Helushka? Will Enupay live to see his sons return?

Here is the first part of the chapter-

http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/4/...e%20Behind.doc
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If you could can you please answer some questions it would really help me make the story better and make it grow.

I know it is not completed and has alot of errors but what do you think so far?

Could you fall in love with animal like charachers?

What do you think of Hania, Yamka and the other characters in this chapter?

Do you have a favorite yet?

Are they believable?

Do you have any storyline ideas that could add some flare to this kind of story?

Do you have any suggestions about stuff I could add in to make the chapter better?

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Here is some background on the main series Legend of the Forest Guardian that will follow the trials.

4 years after the trials are completed Hania Dyani sets out on a quest to bring his fathers brother Tohopka, Dyani and the rest of him followers down with the help of his best friend Yamka Elu, and Tyion loving wife Ananda Tasunke to avenge the deaths of there families, friends, and villages lost to the Tohopka's evil acts. Along the way Hania will discover that only through his kindness and inner strength will he create a new safe world for his friends to live in. Now with Ayasha aiding Tohopka sets her mind on just 1 think to killer her older brother after she is told that Hania was the one that destroyed her village and killed her family. In the end will Ayasha finally understand the truth or will she complete her task? Find out the answers to these and many other questions in The Legend of the Forest Guardian.

Here is only the first part of chapter 1 of Legend of the Forest Guardain. Just started on it so there is not much yet.

http://www.fileden.com/files/2007/4/...e%20Behind.doc

And here are a few pictures of the characters for both the Trials and Lengend:

Hania Dyani-



Yamka Elu-



Hania and Yamka- At last We Are One



Mitena and Ayasha- The End has Come



Well that is all so far I hope you will check back for any updates and new chapters for this series. Hope you enjoy the story so far.

Thank you