Trial of Essen Chant Chapter 1 almost completed needs feedback
This is alittle long but if for an animated Series Im working on for animation school please tell me what you think of it anything would be of great help. Am not allowed to draw anything other than character designs right now so there are not any pictures yet other than the characters. This is my first screen play so could use any suggestions or comments you have anything at this point helps. This is the first chapter in what is to be an 8 part mini series and will lead into a bigger series call Legend of the Forest Guardian (name still being worked on).
Well here it is Hope you enjoy it:
Trial of Essen Chant Chapter 1- Child Hood Final Days
Story and Character Created by: Kenneth Casteel Jr copyright 2007
Chapter 1- Child Hoods Final Days
Hania- Ayasha! Why are you doing this!?
Ayasha- What! Why do you ask suck a stupid question. You killed mother, father, and the rest of the herd!
Hania- Me? You have been tricked Ayasha can’t you see that!
Ayasha- No it is you that don’t see! First you leave father in the village to died, than you leave me there during the attack! What kind of brother would just leave his little sister and family to die!?
Know with an arrow pointed at her brother Yamka steps into to reason with Ayasha
Yamka- Ayasha! Hania was not even near the village when it was attacked. He was on his way to save me from Tohopka.
Ayasha- Get out of the way Yamka this is for all that where abandoned and left to die at his hands!
Yamka- If you fire you will have to kill me to!
Ayasha- Why do you protect him like this! Did the herd mean nothing to you!
Ayasha- He destroyed everything and everyone that had every loved you or shown you the least bit of kindness.
Yamka- Hania could not do anything so terrible his spirit and kindness would never allow it!
Ayasha- This is your last chance Yamka! Get out of the way! I will have to kill you to don’t move!
Hania- I love you sis don’t do this there must be someway to explain this all to you.
Ayasha- I have heard enough! I will not let you poison my mind any longer!
Yamka- Please Ayasha don’t do this you will never be able to live with your self if you kill your own brother.
Ayasha- I’m sorry I never wanted you to get hurt Yamka. I can still remember when you gave me this doll (grabbing the doll out of a small pack on her side). You know Yamka you gave me the only thing that still connects me to my family and I will never forget you or my family.
After taking one last long look at the little doll (made to resemble her mother) and with a flood of memories from good time past she throws it to the ground as if to say now that everything in my life that I had ever known is gone. I can now do what must be done.
Ayasha- There is no room in this world for the likes of you!
Yamka- Ayasha please he is your brother. (Starting to cry)
Ayasha- That is true Yamka. Hania I will miss you. (saying it with a tear in her eye)
Ayasha- To take revenge for the herd lost that day, to bring there spirits to peace, the one I once called brother die!
Hania- Ayasha Noooooo…..
After a moment of soul searching she turned her head away from here brother not wanting to see the hit and fired the arrow at Hania. Yamka attempts to get in the way of the arrow to save her friend.