pardon the lame title.. I recently wrote a death note fanfic (or maybe not even), to get private access into a particular manga download website by entering their competition. Now that the submission date is over, I thought I could get some feedback.. critique away

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A midsummer high schooler's dream - by underthesun
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Dear Diary,

Today, was a totally strange day. Strange but good, in a way, I guess.

It was just after history class. I wasn't paying attention to the teacher, and never have, because Meiji Restoration is something you learn from reading Rurouni Kenshin. Good thing it's over now, and I saw my best friend since primary school walked up to me.

"Hey Akira! Check this out, I found it lying just outside the school gate!"

Yuriko showed me a small black book. It was a bit dirty, so I guess she wasn't lying when she said she found it lying around on the ground.

"Doesn't this book remind you of something?", she said.

We always walked together to school, since primary school. I guess today she came a bit late.

"No.. not really. It's just a small black book. Could use it as my todo list though, lost mine a while ago."

That's right, I'm one of those people who keeps a list of things to do, as if I was a busy executive. Just like my dad. But they use PDAs these days, and all a high school student can afford right now is just a small book for keeping notes.

"Don't you think this looks like a death note?", Yuriko continued.

"You mean one of those lookalikes they sell at the anime shop in Shinjuku?"

Now that she mentioned it, it did look like a death note to me. For a second I was thinking of using it to play pranks on someone, but then again these days every second person has seen the death note anime on tv.

"I'll sell this to you for 200 yen!", she offered.

"No way, that's too expensive!", I said. Yuriko has always tried to sell me stuff to buy more food at the school canteen. I don't know why she's eating so much, but I can't complain if it all contributes to the size her breast. I mean, she's got the biggest one out of all first years in this senior high. And to top it off she's the best looking girl around too. It would have been good if she was my girlfriend, but I'm too scared to admit that.

"Take it or leave it."

"Allright, fine.", I said after a few seconds of hesitation. It looked like she knew that I needed a notebook of that size. Maybe she was the one who took my old notebook away?

So it was lunch time now. Yuriko ran off to the canteen with the 200 yen she just got off me. I guess it was partly my fault for always giving into her every demands. And now I'm left with a slightly dirty notebook.

I opened the first page of the book. I guess it looked just like a normal notebook that you can buy off anywhere. I mean, it even had an ownership page as its first page. It had the writing "This Dream Note belongs to" and a blank space next to it. Without hesitating, I wrote my full name there. "Kawamoto Akira".

It seemed a little weird that the "Death Note" would be referred to here as "Dream Note". This note book now looks more like some rip-off merchandise than ever before, and the realisation that I just lost 200 yen to a rip-off notebook sinks in slowly. I mean, even the rules on the first page were different from the one in the anime.

Soon after that though, the bell rang. The break was over.

Then something strange happened. The loudspeaker suddenly voiced an announcement.

"Attention all students. The break will be extended by another 20 minutes and the 4th period will be cancelled. The 5th sports period will start when the 4th period starts."

Now that was something. The head teacher would never have announced that unless something totally crazy happened. But this was good, I had wanted to rest a bit longer, and I didn't like the maths teacher that was about to teach in the 4th period anyways.

But things were getting a bit too good to be true. Yuriko came back running with two curry buns she bought at the canteen.

"Akira-kun, I want you to have one!", she said.

I was really surprised. "uhh, thanks! What's the occasion?", I asked.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you, but please eat the bun I bought first..", Yuriko responded, in a very cutesy, timid manner.

It was unbelievable. She totally seemed unlike her usual self, eating the bread while trying to not look at my face for some strange reason. But somehow I thought she seemed much more like a girl than how she behaves usually. Noramlly she's the loudest girl you can find in the class. But today, she looks like a really shy girl with a crush on someone, just like the ones you see in manga and anime.

As I finished my curry bun, a thought crossed over my mind. Could it be that she has a crush on me? I secretly wish it was true, but thought that'd be too good to be real. She also finished eating.

"Hey, Akira-kun, can you come with me for a while?", she said, again in a very shy manner. She held my hand, and pulled me out of my chair. I was shocked, because she doesn't usually hold a boy's hand just like that. I mean, people would think we're boyfriend and girlfriend if they saw it. Not that I would mind..

"Hey, look at that! Yuriko is holding Akira's hand and is running!"

"Ooh, they're now together?"

Words could not described how red my face must have been. She led me running through the hallways of the school, I don't know where yet, while holding my hands. I mean, this really seemed like a scene out of an anime.

It was kind of strange though, because nobody was out there in hallways considering it's still break time. But my attention suddenly switched as she slowed down and the realisation that she brought me to the school clinic.

What is she intending to do? If she wanted to confess that she liked me, it didn't have to be in the school clinic. Unless she wanted to also.. do that with me? But she is just 16, she's just my age. There was no way she's thinking of what I'm thinking right now.

And before I realised it, we were inside the clinic. It was empty. The school nurse seems to be away.

And she locked the door.

Suddenly I could even hear my own heartbeats beating as if I just ran a 100km marathon. This was too good to be true.

"Akira-kun"

There's no way Yuriko, out of all girls would be doing this. She has strict parents, and has been educated to be polite, I mean, all that endless lecturing from her parents about virtue that she keeps complaining to me about since she was small wouldn't have passed her ears just like that.. right?

"Akira-kun"

"y-yes?", I answered, nervously.

"Sorry for taking you out here suddenly, but, I, uh.. I got something to tell you", Yuriko said.

Her face was burning red. I've never seen her with that kind of expression before. Actually, I'll take that back, I've never seen anyone on real life with such an expression before. But she looked very pretty, and looking at her made me my heart feel like it's flying.

I stood silent. It must have been a good ten seconds of silence between us.

Suddenly she ran onto me and hugged me. This was my first time ever being hugged by a girl. I hugged her back. At this point I just wouldn't know what else to expect, but this was beyond my wildest imagination.

"I.. I don't know why but everytime I see you I feel really.. really.. happy", she said, in a quite voice.

"re-really?", I said. Then I soon realised how soft her body was. And that she smells wonderful. It feels like I have just lost my mind.

"I think.. I think I like you".

I couldn't believe I just uttered those words out. At this point, we're still hugging each other so it was impossible to tell what her reaction is.

"Then.. then.."

She then looked into my eyes.

"Then.. will you take my virginity?"

My heart stopped as soon as these words entered my mind. I then realised that we are in a closed space, an empty clinic room, and the door is locked. My minds raced through a myriad of thoughts, still trying to comprehend what was happening.

"so.. sorry?"

She looked away and leaned her heard in my chest.

"Please.. take my.. virginity. I've made up my mind about today."

She then turned her face onto me and again looked deep into my eyes. Her gaze looks more beautiful than ever.

"AKIRA!"

Her face was leaning closer to mine. It was going to be a kiss. My first kiss, with the girl I've liked since primary school.

"AKIRA!"

She closed her eyes. I guessed it's time for me to close my eyes.

"AKIRA!"

I closed my eyes, and opened it again. I found myself asleep on my desk in my class.

Then came the sad realisation, that it was all but a dream. A midsummer high schooler's dream. Hell, that title sounds lame, but nothing could describe the disappointment I felt when I just realised it was all just a dream. A beautiful dream, beyond words, that felt unbelievably real.

But now I've just gotten myself punished and was told to stand outside the class. So much for the dream. Maths has always been a boring subject anyways.

I couldn't get my mind off what happened today. I mean, I've never slept in class before, but it just happened. And I couldn't get Yuriko off my mind for the rest of the day. Maybe I'm in love?

Oh and I lost that note that Yuriko gave me. Kinda sucks, but I guess it was just a minor thing. So yeah, I guess it was a pretty weird day. Till another time, Diary.

----

Yuriko got home later that day.

"So did the charm work?", an old voice said.

"Yes, kaa-san. It was like magic..", Yuriko responded.

"So I was right, wasn't I? That boy had a crush on you since junior high!"

"Kaa-san, not too loud!", Yuriko said. "But you know, this charm is pretty amazing! It turned Akira-kun's dreams into a manga that was being drawn as he was dreaming it."

"So were you able to see Akira-kun's deepest desires?"

"aah, yeah", Yuriko said. She then quickly went into her room, her face turning red. "I'm going to my room", she said quickly.

"Hmm, strange girl. I guess it's good to be young", her mother sighed.

"Good thing I stopped Akira-kun before this manga turned ecchi..", Yuriko thought to herself. "A bit more and..", and she paused for a second.

That night, Yuriko wrote a confession letter.







hope you enjoyed it, it was my first story written in years (last one I could remember was almost 8 years ago)

よろしく