Thread: Carmela Kazmier

tell me what you think.


why'd you go?


Why'd you go?
Why'd you take the easy way out?
Why didn't you stay?
Didn't you care?
I know you guys fought
but I know you loved her.
But you are gone now
you took your life.
Why?
Why?
is all I can say
she is sad
mother is sad
I am sad.
I just want to know
Why'd you take your life?

Carmela Kazmier


will i?


As I sit inside
I wonder what is to
become of me tomorrow.
Will I achieve me dreams?
or will I live on the street?
Will I have my friends tomorrow?
or will they leave me here alone?
Will my family stick by my side?
or will they disown me?
Will I pass through school?
or will I be a failure?
And I wonder
Will I make it?

Carmela Kazmier



you


Your funny jokes
make me laugh
your sense of style
makes me smile
when talking to me
you make me blush
I can't believe
I care this much

Carmela Kazmier



you & her


The way you look at her
makes me sick
because I know
that used to be me
but I let you go
so easily
I had you
but now I don't
I cry each night
knowing that your with her.
It breaks my heart
when I see you
holding her and kissing her.
You talk about her a lot
It's all I here
I say that I'm happy for you
but deep inside I'm crying
There's nothing I can do
except accept the fact
that I don't have you anymore.

Carmela Kazmier



You Said

A rising poet, and my girlfriend, tell me what you think of her poetry!




afraid


I think your cute
but that's not all
I'd like to know
the guy at heart
I'm scared that you'll
reject me so
I just stand still
and hope for who knows.

Carmela Kazmier



all i


All I do is think of you
All I do is dream of you
All I can do is wait for you
and wait for the day you'll be mine.

Carmela Kazmier


are you happy now?


Look at how you left us
here is despair.
We are all crying.
Are you happy now?
We are all in tears
in pain
with frowns
Does it make you happy?
to see us this way.

Carmela Kazmier


are you scared?


I try and try
to be your girl
but I'm just stuck
in this lonely world.
I want you.
I need you.
you know it's true
and I know that you want me too.
but you just push me away.
Why do you do it?
you act so mean
but I know you care
you try to hide it
because you have a
rep. to protect
is what you say
wouldn't you rather follow your heart?
or are you afraid to play the game?
just admit, that you love me too.
I'm sick and tired
of playing your games
when will you not be ashamed?
since you are scared
I will go.

Carmela Kazmier


Be You


I'm surrounded by people who pretend,
who aren't who they say they are,
they are who people want them to be,
a fake,
yet I can relate,
since I take part in this horrible act.
I am not open about the real me
and it's time I shall be.
so I'm not a virgin
and I don't like some people,
I'm not the perfect student
so what, accept me for me
the girl I am, the girl I am to be.
nobody's perfect, not you or me,
so stop acting like you are.
it's time you become proud of who you really are.
so what if people laugh,
would you really wanna live a lie?

Carmela Kazmier



because of


I am lonely without you.
I am a wreck.
I am lost.
All because of sex.
I should've been careful.
But I made a mistake.

Carmela Kazmier


before i met you


I look at you
from afar
the way you look
back at me
makes my heart
wanna fall.
fall in love?
fall away?
which one could it be?
I don't know
because I haven't
talked to you yet.
I'm too afraid
to say a word.
I'm afraid
I'll mess it up
I just wish
you knew how I felt
because I am so into you.

Carmela Kazmier



Blue is the Sky


Blue is the beautiful sky.
Green is grass.
Yellow is the bright sun.
White is clouds.
Brown is the dark dirt.

Carmela Kazmier


Broken Heart


My heart has just been ripped out
stomped on
and thrown into the trash
like a piece of crud
I feel worthless
like I'm nothing
I don't belong
at least not here
my broken heart
is aching
is hurting
for what you ask?
'You' is all I say
you are the reason
the reason for my heart
my broken heart.

Carmela Kazmier


can i get someone?


Can I get someone
who really wants me?
Can I get someone
who really needs me?
Can I get someone
who really loves me?
I need a man.
I need someone
who can care for me.
I need a rock
to lean on.
Someone who will
be there for me
through the thick and thin
and never ever
leave me or let me go.

Carmela Kazmier


Changed


Why does it have to be this way?
We can’t just be friends
Yesterday we laughed
Today you walk right past

Carmela Kazmier


clouds


As I look above me
I see blue sky
but it also has white stuff.
It looks like cotton
It looks like marshmallows
their puffy.
My mommy once told me
that angels hide behind them
she said they are called clouds.

Carmela Kazmier



crazy


I may not know you
but I do know this
you make me laugh
you make me smile
your so cute
my heart just melts.
I just can't stop
thinking about you.
It's driving me crazy.
I don't know what to do.

Carmela Kazmier



daddy


Why did you leave me here with mommy?
she scares me
when we are alone I try to run away from her
scared of what will happen next.
I know you didn't mean to
you were scared of mommy too
so that's why I tell god to pray for
ever since I came here
daddy just to let you know
mommy sent me up to heaven
but I don't really mind because it really is a wonderful place
god is very nice
I tell him you didn't mean to run away and leave me
and I tell him that I love you daddy and hope you are okay.
but daddy god tells me now that I must go and live forever with him and his angels, so this is the end.
I'm sorry daddy that I had to leave you this way
I really miss you and one day maybe when you are in heaven you can come with me.
Daddy I wanted to tell you one last thing before I'm gone
I love you.

Carmela Kazmier



do i really care?


You know I love you
yes I do
But do I really
wanna be with you
my feelings are strong
but do they come
from my heart.
so do I
do I really care?

Carmela Kazmier




first kiss


I want to kiss you
really I do
but I'm just not ready
at least not tonight
it should be passionate
it should be true
but all I know
is that I want it with you.

Carmela Kazmier



first time


The warmth of your lips
touching mine.
A dream come true
about half past nine.
Laying in bed next to you
moving back and forth
like I never knew.
I can't believe this is happening
but yet I regret nothing.
How is this happening all so fast
but I'm glad it happened here at last.

Carmela Kazmier



he


The leaves outside are rustling,
I can hear the bird singing,
singing,
singing,
singing,
it's a beautiful song
that only I can hear
as I sit under the trees
I hear the bird call me near
he sings to me
he sings,
he is then joined by a she
they both sing
beautifully,
peacefully,
happily,
satisfying everybody.

Carmela Kazmier



he is the reason


I wish I could end this life of mine
I wish I could just end it, let it
be over, for there is no reason
worth living, until I look
at him. He is the reason I
stay. The reason I live and
breath each day that I do. He keeps me
here and alive. For without
him, I would parish.

Carmela Kazmier



her


I went to the mall today
and I saw you
I started to walk up to you
but then I saw her
and it finally hit me
that there was no more us.

Carmela Kazmier




i cry


I lay awake half the night crying
Knowing that we aren’t together anymore
People tell me to move on
I see many boys and many opportunities
But none of them compare to you
I really have no clue what to do
All I can really do is lie awake
And cry for you
Until you realize that you want me too.

Carmela Kazmier



i lost you


Now that I lost you
I wish I had you back
It's true what they say
'You never realize what you got till it's gone'
But there's nothing I can do
Now that your with her
but hope that one day
you can be mine again.

Carmela Kazmier




i lost you pt.2


I lost you once
but you came back.
then I lost you again
but you went to her.
Now I'm alone again
and there's nothing I can do.

Carmela Kazmier



i need a man


I need a man
who will always be around
be right by my side.
I need a man
who will stay truthful to me
even if a girl walks by
lookin flyer than me.
I need a man
who not only wants me
but needs me to survive.
I need a man
who will listen to me
and what I've got to say.
I need a man
who will take the time to know me
and not just shrug me off.
I need a man
who really cares about me
and my feelings.
I need a man
who just plain love me for me.

Carmela Kazmier


i wish to be gone...


I wish I could be gone
and disappear from this world
this world of hatred
and nonmeaning
I wish I could run away
and leave the life that I live
the life where everyone is on my case
I wish I was invisible
but yet in ways I already am
right now nobody can see me.

Carmela Kazmier


I wouldn't, I couldn't, I'd never evuh


Your look at me like
you're against me
what do you think I did?
I see your nasty stares
lookin at me
like I've got it all.
like I stole your man
I wouldn't, I couldn't do that to anyone
I'd nevuh evuh do that to anyone
If you truly knew me, I'm
sure you'd see that.
So don't even try to
blame it on me.
I wouldn't, I couldn't, I'd nevuh
evuh do that to anyone

Carmela Kazmier



i'm scared


I'm scared of you
because I could
really care.
I've never felt
this way before.
When around you
I am timid.
When around you
I get nervous.
I love you
and you love me.
But baby I
just can't see.
I'm blinded.
I'm blinded by love.
I really care about you
and it's all true
because boy
I do love you.

Carmela Kazmier



incomplete


I love you, I do
and so badly want to be with you
I love how you tend
to my every care
and let me know that
you'll always be there.
you tell me I'm beautiful
and you say
that I'm the only one for you.

Carmela Kazmier


jesse


I can't stop thinking
thinking about you
the looks of you
are driving me insane.
You sweet smile
touches my heart.
Your laugh is like
music to my ears.
Your beautiful green eyes
draw me near.
And your soft blonde hair
feels like the smooth beach sand.

Carmela Kazmier


l is for...


l is for my longing to be with you again.
o is for how overly excited I get before I see you.
v is for the very big impact you've left on my heart.
e is for the everlasting feeling of love you've give to me.

Carmela Kazmier


letting go


What do you do?
When you think
you've found the
right one for you.
It's hard for you
to let them in
and show you
really care.
to let go
and just be yourself.

Carmela Kazmier



Lies


You say it’s you not me
But I can see the truth
Just tell me
Don’t lie
You don’t love me
Anymore
You never did
Why live a lie
Yet don’t we all live lies.

Carmela Kazmier



little girl


There's a little girl
who sits on the street corner
waiting for someone
someone to give
her some food
or offer her some water
her family has passed
and she has no money
because she has no job
because she is too young
she sits
and waits
and wonders
about the days to come
will she live?
or will she die?
she is just a little girl
alone and afraid
with no family
and no food
she sits and waits
and she is just a little
a little girl.

Carmela Kazmier


little girl(song)


Little Girl (song)

There's a little girl
who sits on the street corner
waiting for someone
to give her some food
her family has passed
and she has no money
because she has no job
because she is to young

Pre-Chorus
she sits
and waits
and wonders
about the days to come
will she live?
or will she die?
is the question.

Chorus
She is just a little girl
alone and afraid
with no family
and no food
all she does is sits and waits
and she is just a little girl.

This little girl just sits there
and waits while people pass
hoping that just someone
possibly will stop
stop and say hello
stop and be her friend
stop and offer her
something worthwhile

Oh... She is just a little girl

(Pre-Chorus)
(Chorus)

So as she's sitting there alone
she wakes up and sees the light
someone reaches out their hand
and takes her by their side
now she isn't afraid
now she is ok
now she is not a little girl
anymore...

(Pre-Chorus)
(Chorus)

She used to sit and wait
about the days to come
would she live?
or would she die?
was the question
this little girl has grown up
she is no longer alone and afraid
and now she's got a family
so she doesn't sit and wait
anymore...
and she has grown up so much
and isn't a little girl anymore...

repeat x2

Carmela Kazmier


Lost


I am the farthest star
the one all alone
by itself.

I am the ant
who is lost
from his colony.

I am the quietness
when everyone else is loud.

Carmela Kazmier



Love


love is a
feeling
not a word.

Carmela Kazmier


love isn't fair


You think you know me
yes you do
you think that
I'm the only one for you
you think that
I'm special
you think that
I care
you think that
I love you
but love isn't fair.

Carmela Kazmier


Love Kept in my heart


The love we share
will always be
kept safe
inside my heart
this poem is to show
show you how much
how much I care
and to let you know
that I'll always be there.

Carmela Kazmier



missing


I know I love you
but I can't help but to think
I'm missing something
a part of my life
is missing
is lost
I feel that I can't
I can't be free
I'm bound to you
stuck
glued
I love you
I do
but something
something is
missing.

Carmela Kazmier




my life cut short...


I feel so hurt
though you can not see it.
Deep inside I feel pain.
I feel that I can not go on
go on any longer
my life is getting cut short.
I can't see
I can't breathe
it's getting
shorter
shorte
short
shor
sho
sh
s
.

Carmela Kazmier

my pain


You look at me
but do you see
the pain that's hiding
deep inside of me
I can't see
I can't sense
I can't feel
I can't touch
I'm paralyzed
because of your words
your words have hurt
your words have scarred
and now there's a hole
deep inside my heart

Carmela Kazmier




my pain is deeper than...


My pain is deeper than the deepest of any oceans.
My pain is deeper than the deepest of any cuts.
My pain is deeper than the deepest of love.
My pain is deeper than the deepest of caves.
My pain is deeper than the deepest of holes.

Carmela Kazmier




nothingness


As I look I see my life before me
It flashes of how it used to be
A happy future but as I see the truth
I am scared.
I open my eyes.
A long road of nothingness is ahead for me.

Carmela Kazmier




party


Loud noise, people dancing
music blaring, stuff everywhere
What is this?
a party.
Where?
my house.
oh no is all I can say
I'm dead.
I'm gone.
everybody out
I have to clean
oh no my mom
I'll certainly die
if I don't clean
this all up in time
She's home oh no
not clean yet
I'm in trouble
oh well it was fun
too bad it didn't last so long.

Carmela Kazmier

rain


I watch outside my window
As I see what's falling down.
They are small glistening beads
like tear drops when someone cries.
When I step outside it feels like
buckets of water falling
on me over and over again.

Carmela Kazmier


rain and rainbows


As I stay inside today
I watch outside my window
as I see what's following down.
They are small glistening beads
like tear drops when somebody cries.
As I sit and wait and watch
for what is to come out next
It's so cool and beautiful.
It's an array of colors.

Carmela Kazmier



rumors


Rumors are evil ugly things. They go around for everyone to believe. You think their all fun and games, but you never really know who your tearing down inside. Somebody is hurting because you keep spreading that rumor around. Have you ever even stopped just to think? About how that person is feeling right now? They hate everybody, right here, right now. Why do you keep spreading them if you know who your hurting? Are you just trying to be part of the crowd or are you really just cold-hearted?

Carmela Kazmier



the bus


Everyday on my way to school
I see houses
beautiful houses.
I see a lake
drying up due to summer.
I see schools
filled with students.
I see the gas station
filled with cars.
I see the people on my bus
most of them are fake
they lie to me
they pretend to be my friend
they use me
they hurt my feelings
when they use me
I sit here and I cry
this is what I see on the bus.

Carmela Kazmier


the game of love


You look at me
you look away
which is it?
love or lust
are you playing me?
like some kind of game
or is it for real
a love that could last.
You notice me
but are you afraid?
You lead me on
and then drive me away.

Carmela Kazmier




the rain falls


I watch the clear rain
it falls down
down onto the green grass
it is wet
The clear rain falls down.

Carmela Kazmier



today daddy...


When daddy came home today he hurt me
Now I have a black eye
My teacher asked me what happened
When I went to school
I told her that I ran into a sign.
When I came back from the park today
Daddy hit me
It hurt me and I cried
When I cried today he came back in
And yelled to me “Shut the hell up, you little shit”
So I went to my room and prayed
But nothing happened
Today when I came home from school
He broke my arm
My teacher wondered why I came in and had a cast
She sent me to the nurse
The nurse asked me how that happened
I told her that I fell off of a swing
And she believed me
So when I got home I saw daddy wasn’t home
I went to the neighbors to hang out with Danny
The boy next door.
I heard a truck and it was daddy
I tried to hide but he came in and said
“Get the hell back to the house, you bitch”
So I ran home and was locked in my room
Next morning it was time for school
But before I left my daddy hurt me again
I went to school with a broken nose and a very hurt wrist
My teacher sent me to the guidance office
The guidance lady said “Hunny, what happened to you? ”
I told her that I fell and hurt myself
She told me to tell her the truth and that nobody would find out
She asked me many questions
I tried to answer them truthfully
She let me leave and go on my way
And I finished the rest of my school day
When I got home I sat in my room
Did my math problems and drew a picture
Then my daddy returned home
Of course he hit me and I went to bed and then the next morning
I was dead
It is sad and unfortunate
I should have told somebody
But I guess I never thought that their was a way out
I’m sorry you didn’t see it mommy
But neither did I.

Carmela Kazmier


toys 'r' us


Your so cute
I can't deny it
your thoughts and feelings
you just don't hide them
your true to me
your true to us
let's go shop
at Toys 'R' Us

Carmela Kazmier



Walk Away


You said you’d never hurt me
But then you did
If you didn’t love me
You could’ve told me
You didn’t even try
To make it work
That’s truly
What hurts the most
Rascal flatts said it best
But right now I just gotta
Walk away from the rest.

Carmela Kazmier



why?


You left us here
all alone.
To suffer from your choices
We loved you.
and didn't want you to go?
so why did you?
I'm mad that you did
you had no reason
you could have just left
to go to another place
but you had to leave permeantly
Why?
please
tell me
Why?

Carmela Kazmier

I'd still rather watch porn or play Hexic HD.

not bad, I must say. but I think some of the poems could use a little rhyme or maybe a little note as to the flow of the poem to make it easier to read right. overall I'd say that they are good.

did i meantion as of right now she is only 16?

I'm not going to say I could do better, but I think there are a couple of areas she can really stand to work on. I didn't take the time to read through everything, I read a few then skimmed to find good examples to talk about.

From now on when I say "you" I'm addressing Carmela. And age is not at all as reflective of things as we'd like it to be. But I'm glad she's young, that gives her lots of time to practice and improve.

the rain falls


I watch the clear rain
it falls down
down onto the green grass
it is wet
The clear rain falls down.

Carmela Kazmier

The first thing I have to say is that poems are meant to make you feel something. This is nice, but what's the point? The rain is clear, wet, and falls down? Yeah, we know all that, that's what rain is, normally...and grass is green? Maybe describe it more in different ways so that it becomes something unique, and explain why this is important. Why was this worth writing a poem about?

today daddy...


When daddy came home today he hurt me
Now I have a black eye
My teacher asked me what happened
When I went to school
I told her that I ran into a sign.
When I came back from the park today
Daddy hit me
It hurt me and I cried
When I cried today he came back in
And yelled to me “Shut the hell up, you little shit”
So I went to my room and prayed
But nothing happened
Today when I came home from school
He broke my arm
My teacher wondered why I came in and had a cast
She sent me to the nurse
The nurse asked me how that happened
I told her that I fell off of a swing
And she believed me
So when I got home I saw daddy wasn’t home
I went to the neighbors to hang out with Danny
The boy next door.
I heard a truck and it was daddy
I tried to hide but he came in and said
“Get the hell back to the house, you bitch”
So I ran home and was locked in my room
Next morning it was time for school
But before I left my daddy hurt me again
I went to school with a broken nose and a very hurt wrist
My teacher sent me to the guidance office
The guidance lady said “Hunny, what happened to you? ”
I told her that I fell and hurt myself
She told me to tell her the truth and that nobody would find out
She asked me many questions
I tried to answer them truthfully
She let me leave and go on my way
And I finished the rest of my school day
When I got home I sat in my room
Did my math problems and drew a picture
Then my daddy returned home
Of course he hit me and I went to bed and then the next morning
I was dead
It is sad and unfortunate
I should have told somebody
But I guess I never thought that their was a way out
I’m sorry you didn’t see it mommy
But neither did I.

Carmela Kazmier

Now this, is better. There's an actual story happening here, and some concrete imagery as well. But it's not enough yet. This "he hurt me!" stuff can be dropped altogether. You don't need it. It's already being implied by the injuries, and to me it's so...weak sounding. The parts I bolded make me want to curl up in a ball and cry. Just don't write like that. Please, I beg you. Tell us why or how it's sad and unfortunate, and by tell us I mean show us. Concrete is your friend. Abstract doesn't cut it when it comes to poetry. At all.

toys 'r' us


Your so cute
I can't deny it
your thoughts and feelings
you just don't hide them
your true to me
your true to us
let's go shop
at Toys 'R' Us

It's "you're." You are. Your is for possession only. You have to know the rules before you can break them, and when you break them it had better be on purpose and for a good reason.

my pain is deeper than...


My pain is deeper than the deepest of any oceans.
My pain is deeper than the deepest of any cuts.
My pain is deeper than the deepest of love.
My pain is deeper than the deepest of caves.
My pain is deeper than the deepest of holes.

Carmela Kazmier

My pain is deeper than I'd like to stab my fork into my eye right now. This isn't descriptive at all, and yet that's its whole purpose. The repetition does nothing to help, either. It's just one bad comparison after another. Give us something more concrete, with more feeling to it. (My pain is deeper than my father's grave, or something, anything that actually means something to the reader.) I don't even know what kind of pain this is. Emotional? Physical? Who knows.

rain


I watch outside my window
As I see what's falling down.
They are small glistening beads
like tear drops when someone cries.
When I step outside it feels like
buckets of water falling
on me over and over again.

Carmela Kazmier

Similes! Good. But again, it lacks purpose. And they're such obvious comparisons, too. You need to write about things that are unique to you, not comparisons that any half-wit can make, because that's infinitely more interesting. When I read a poem by someone, I want to know what they think and feel, not hear them regurgitate the oldest comparisons in the book in ways that aren't even new.

he is the reason


I wish I could end this life of mine
I wish I could just end it, let it
be over, for there is no reason
worth living, until I look
at him. He is the reason I
stay. The reason I live and
breath each day that I do. He keeps me
here and alive. For without
him, I would parish.

Carmela Kazmier

Perish, not parish. And living your life for someone else is never a good thing.

Broken Heart


My heart has just been ripped out
stomped on
and thrown into the trash
like a piece of crud
I feel worthless
like I'm nothing
I don't belong
at least not here
my broken heart
is aching
is hurting
for what you ask?
'You' is all I say
you are the reason
the reason for my heart
my broken heart.

Carmela Kazmier

This is getting there, but it's once again something that anyone could write. And "crud"...well, I have an opinion on using that kind of word in poetry, but it is just my opinion, and not necessarily useful advice. Swearing has its place, and I don't personally think you should only go halfway. Either leave it out, or go for it. The underlined parts don't even need to be there. You just told us that.

And now I'm tired and going to bed. I just want to say, that enthusiasm for writing is a great thing. I'm happy to see that you've produced so much poetry, and I hope you keep trying. I know there's at least one famous poet who started out by writing the most horrible poetry in existence, but he kept at it and improved. Do you read a lot of poetry? I think that's always a good place to start. Read other people's poetry, and get a feel for what works and what doesn't. It may give you some ideas about things you can work on or new things to try.

One last note: you should do more interesting things with your titles. Use them to add to the poem, not just repeat lines from it. They sound more like generic song titles than poems. Here's an exercise I can suggest: try writing a poem about a topic without ever saying what it is in the poem, then make the title the topic. I failed to locate the poem I had in mind when I suggested this on Google, and I can't remember any details, but it talked about a "horse bite," and was really a poem about love.