I'm not going to say I could do better, but I think there are a couple of areas she can really stand to work on. I didn't take the time to read through everything, I read a few then skimmed to find good examples to talk about.
From now on when I say "you" I'm addressing Carmela. And age is not at all as reflective of things as we'd like it to be. But I'm glad she's young, that gives her lots of time to practice and improve.
The first thing I have to say is that poems are meant to make you feel something. This is nice, but what's the point? The rain is clear, wet, and falls down? Yeah, we know all that, that's what rain is, normally...and grass is green? Maybe describe it more in different ways so that it becomes something unique, and explain why this is important. Why was this worth writing a poem about?
the rain falls
I watch the clear rain
it falls down
down onto the green grass
it is wet
The clear rain falls down.
Now this, is better. There's an actual story happening here, and some concrete imagery as well. But it's not enough yet. This "he hurt me!" stuff can be dropped altogether. You don't need it. It's already being implied by the injuries, and to me it's so...weak sounding. The parts I bolded make me want to curl up in a ball and cry. Just don't write like that. Please, I beg you. Tell us why or how it's sad and unfortunate, and by tell us I mean show us. Concrete is your friend. Abstract doesn't cut it when it comes to poetry. At all.
When daddy came home today he hurt me
Now I have a black eye
My teacher asked me what happened
When I went to school
I told her that I ran into a sign.
When I came back from the park today
Daddy hit me
It hurt me and I cried
When I cried today he came back in
And yelled to me “Shut the hell up, you little shit”
So I went to my room and prayed
But nothing happened
Today when I came home from school
He broke my arm
My teacher wondered why I came in and had a cast
She sent me to the nurse
The nurse asked me how that happened
I told her that I fell off of a swing
And she believed me
So when I got home I saw daddy wasn’t home
I went to the neighbors to hang out with Danny
The boy next door.
I heard a truck and it was daddy
I tried to hide but he came in and said
“Get the hell back to the house, you bitch”
So I ran home and was locked in my room
Next morning it was time for school
But before I left my daddy hurt me again
I went to school with a broken nose and a very hurt wrist
My teacher sent me to the guidance office
The guidance lady said “Hunny, what happened to you? ”
I told her that I fell and hurt myself
She told me to tell her the truth and that nobody would find out
She asked me many questions
I tried to answer them truthfully
She let me leave and go on my way
And I finished the rest of my school day
When I got home I sat in my room
Did my math problems and drew a picture
Then my daddy returned home
Of course he hit me and I went to bed and then the next morning
I was dead
It is sad and unfortunate
I should have told somebody
But I guess I never thought that their was a way out
I’m sorry you didn’t see it mommy
But neither did I.
It's "you're." You are. Your is for possession only. You have to know the rules before you can break them, and when you break them it had better be on purpose and for a good reason.
toys 'r' us
Your so cute
I can't deny it
your thoughts and feelings
you just don't hide them
your true to me
your true to us
let's go shop
at Toys 'R' Us
My pain is deeper than I'd like to stab my fork into my eye right now. This isn't descriptive at all, and yet that's its whole purpose. The repetition does nothing to help, either. It's just one bad comparison after another. Give us something more concrete, with more feeling to it. (My pain is deeper than my father's grave, or something, anything that actually means something to the reader.) I don't even know what kind of pain this is. Emotional? Physical? Who knows.
my pain is deeper than...
My pain is deeper than the deepest of any oceans.
My pain is deeper than the deepest of any cuts.
My pain is deeper than the deepest of love.
My pain is deeper than the deepest of caves.
My pain is deeper than the deepest of holes.
Similes! Good. But again, it lacks purpose. And they're such obvious comparisons, too. You need to write about things that are unique to you, not comparisons that any half-wit can make, because that's infinitely more interesting. When I read a poem by someone, I want to know what they think and feel, not hear them regurgitate the oldest comparisons in the book in ways that aren't even new.
I watch outside my window
As I see what's falling down.
They are small glistening beads
like tear drops when someone cries.
When I step outside it feels like
buckets of water falling
on me over and over again.
Perish, not parish. And living your life for someone else is never a good thing.
he is the reason
I wish I could end this life of mine
I wish I could just end it, let it
be over, for there is no reason
worth living, until I look
at him. He is the reason I
stay. The reason I live and
breath each day that I do. He keeps me
here and alive. For without
him, I would parish.
This is getting there, but it's once again something that anyone could write. And "crud"...well, I have an opinion on using that kind of word in poetry, but it is just my opinion, and not necessarily useful advice. Swearing has its place, and I don't personally think you should only go halfway. Either leave it out, or go for it. The underlined parts don't even need to be there. You just told us that.
My heart has just been ripped out
and thrown into the trash
like a piece of crud
I feel worthless
like I'm nothing
I don't belong
at least not here
my broken heart
for what you ask?
'You' is all I say
you are the reason
the reason for my heart
my broken heart.
And now I'm tired and going to bed. I just want to say, that enthusiasm for writing is a great thing. I'm happy to see that you've produced so much poetry, and I hope you keep trying. I know there's at least one famous poet who started out by writing the most horrible poetry in existence, but he kept at it and improved. Do you read a lot of poetry? I think that's always a good place to start. Read other people's poetry, and get a feel for what works and what doesn't. It may give you some ideas about things you can work on or new things to try.
One last note: you should do more interesting things with your titles. Use them to add to the poem, not just repeat lines from it. They sound more like generic song titles than poems. Here's an exercise I can suggest: try writing a poem about a topic without ever saying what it is in the poem, then make the title the topic. I failed to locate the poem I had in mind when I suggested this on Google, and I can't remember any details, but it talked about a "horse bite," and was really a poem about love.