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Thread: Persistence

  1. #1
    clickmon is offline Member Newbie
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  2. #2
    Elcura is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    Art wise, it's very beautiful, the hands are especially nice in the first panel, the eyes could use some work as well as the hair.

    Story and comic wise however, I was just plain confused. I mean, it goes from I just killed some dude give me something then she kisses him. I think an extra panel or 2 to clear it up or transistion better into the kiss are needed.

  3. #3
    StealDragon's Avatar
    StealDragon is offline Super Moderator Community Builder
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    hmm story wise i understand it pretty well, not willing to elaborate but i get it... elcuras right though you do need to work on the eyes. all in all i think you did a very good job, the last panel is exceptionally well drawn.


    I'd like to die with the songs I love stuck in my head. I hope to make the most of these hollow bones we become.
    I raise a toast to the the souls that sang all along. I've been gathering friends to just to make some sounds,
    before the ship goes down, I've been making amends by making the rounds before the whole world ends


    [Chit Chat Specific Forum Rules] // Last Update - Friday March 13, 2009

  4. #4
    clickmon is offline Member Newbie
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elcura View Post
    Art wise, it's very beautiful, the hands are especially nice in the first panel, the eyes could use some work as well as the hair.

    Story and comic wise however, I was just plain confused. I mean, it goes from I just killed some dude give me something then she kisses him. I think an extra panel or 2 to clear it up or transistion better into the kiss are needed.
    I was afraid people will think that @_@ ... but hey, this is a 90% imitation from a manga page (Blade of the Immortal) with the second panel changed and words. In further explanation, the girl is the typical weakling assassin that seeks revenge from a man who killed her family, but that man is way too powerful for her to handle. So Clay (the sleeping guy) is there to, most of the time, protecting her from danger even though she wants to stand on her own ground. But anyways, she accomplished her goal by killing the man who slaughtered her family single-handedly, and the reward, was simply a kiss.
    Everything is implied in the wording, especially the bolded words.

    In the manga, the girl is a weakling and she met her murderer and attempted to kill him, but the man let her off and was merciful enough not to kill her. To the girl, just surviving was a feat because that man is known to slay anyone who stands in his way.

    Anyways!!! Yeah, that's the way I draw eyes, but I may change it a bit, the guy with the panda-eyes is a zombie... I needed to add something to his appearance to make him look dead. However, I'm still learning to do the lighting in black hair and detailed strands in hair without making it look messy. Anyways, thank you for your input :3

  5. #5
    Elcura is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    I'm just saying, the transistion from "Give me my reward" to the kiss is very sudden, it should probably have a panel or her slowly leaning over him then going in, maybe with some other words to clarify what's going to happen etc.

 

 

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