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  1. #1
    theanimaster is offline Member Newbie
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    Default H.I.F.I. character concept

    Something's wrong with this, I know it... but because I've worked too long on it (even though it's just a sketch), I can't seem to see it for myself:



    Soooo... critiques.

    Story:
    This is the main character of my old concept, H.I.F.I. (Human Integrated Field Infantry). She's basically a dead chic brought back to life with some form of synthetic blood, programmed to be an assassin but gets 'lost' in a teenage world only to fight the abominations that the corporation that spawned her now release to 'test' her ultimate skills. Yeah, so they want her back eventually and she keeps proving that she's the best prototype they have.. unfortunately she's the ONLY prototype they have.. or had, and so they're pretty much after her (blood), dead or alive.

    In this pose she's supposed to be thinking of how she can better herself against a certain opponent whom she's just bailed out of battle from. No torn skirts here though *sigh* I'll work on that... but because her outfit is supposed to be highly resistant against wear and tear, I didn't think I'd put any. But hell... originally I was designing the manga as hentai *whistle* *whistle* in which she gets her suit ripped off in every episode, but that's another story (and let's keep that bit off the record). Since I have a much younger audience these days I'm thinking of keeping my stuff R13.

  2. #2
    Elcura is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    This is kinda of the jist of it



    I think the skirt is too short, even though you explained it and all I just think the panty shot is way to forced and hurts you rather then helps you (that and it's not really a big panty shot either), the arm I circled (big) comes out too far I think and the legs and too big as well (and formed weirdly, I kinda wanted to change it more but I haven't the time, hopefully you know what I mean). Also the tank top really shouldn'y curve into her breasts, it looks weird, keep the detail and creases but straighten out the curve.

    the things I've ?'d are stuff that doesn't look right, or just needs to be clearer, I'm sure colour would help you there though, also it's obvious the hand needs work - although you did a real good job of it, you need to get rid of the glove or make it better, it seems half hearted. The direction of hair is off putting, I realize she might've just fell to the floor but the hair is all over the place, have 1 direction of flow and stick with it, it'll also help cover the angle of the face which is odd and the mass where you've blacked her eye out doesn't do much for the picture either.

    I do like the picture though, very strong presense and a brave angle which many still have real trouble at, the design is strong and pretty unique, I'm not a fan of huge boobs but you've drawn them nicely here. Great lines, thick, strong and noticable.

  3. #3
    SAND_MAN is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    The story sounds a little like nuku nuku dash that cat girl anime.
    I thought the picture was great and obviusly Elcura knows what he/she's talking about cause when i read the post i then i realized what was wrong.
    Oh and either her arms are too thin or her legs are to thick.
    Last edited by SAND_MAN; 12-18-2006 at 08:46 AM.


    "Let my ears hear not but the most sinful of lyrics"

  4. #4
    nataku_0 is offline Senior Member Well Known
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    Elcura pointed out a lot of good points, so I'll just add in about her thighs, they may need a bit more shape, so it doesn't look too flat.

    Her skirt is fine, but careful about drawing the panties. You may want to consider her body shape there and see where that panty line should go...I'm anal about ecchi stuff.

    Careful about sketching too darkly too. Other than that, looks like you're on your way.

  5. #5
    theanimaster is offline Member Newbie
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    Thanks so much, Elcura! It's good to get prompt feedback, and thanks for taking the time to note all the parts that need work.

    Legs too think!? I would never have thought of that! (I was looking at real-life stuff where it's pretty much alright but...) Thanks for pointing it out though... because I'll definitely put that on my check-list of "things-to-check-when-drawing-anime". Last time it was breasts that I've checked... and you can see how far I've come along since then Ok... so slimmer legs.. hmmm..

    I definitely agree with her skirt. I admit *blush* it is not the right angle for this.

    That "spike" on her elbow is her elbow armour. Kinda like a chisel, for certain effective elbow strikes. I enlarged it actually... the original was smaller.. by making it bigger I thought to give it more emphasis.

    This story is more than 7 years old. It was originally based on a fantasy I had with my ex-gf (way back then) and I never really got around to putting it into real production coz my wife doesn't want me to do anything with my ex-gf. Sooo... over the years I've been trying to make her resemble less of my ex-gf. :P

    Ok. Once again... thanks for the critique. I'll work on the changes.

    Umm.. btw, Nataku_0... did you draw that chic in your sig? It'd kill me if you did, but I need to know.

    MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!
    Last edited by theanimaster; 12-25-2006 at 05:50 AM. Reason: added stuff

 

 

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