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Thread: Butterfly Wings

  1. #1
    sculptor85 is offline Junior Member Newbie
    Join Date
    Apr 2006

    Default Help on story

    Can you guys take a look at this and let me know what you think?



    Silence kept him company as he lay peacefully on the ground next to his bed. The counter where his computer was still idly running was blanketed with what seemed to be homework assignments and small letters with hearts drawn as a signature. A picture of a young girl stood next to the computer monitor which was on stand-by. An expression of joy covered her completely as she smiled warmly at whom ever it was taking the picture.

    There was a simple color scheme to the walls, the top half was a dull black with a chrome line dividing the walls horizontally down the center and separating the second half, which was a solar white with glossy finish. His walls seemed to bare no resemblance to any other walls in the dormitory where he stayed.

    There was simplicity to the arrangement in the small room with only a mattress in the center of the room, atop a small, white, shaggy area rug. Next to the mattress stood a mid-sized black dresser with brushed steel knobs and lining. Inside was a well organized onslaught of khaki pants, straight leg jeans and polo shirts, all of the articles of clothing seemed to fall under the “earthy” spectrum of colors. There was no closet in the room, so the dresser held all his clothing.

    The only messy area in the entire room was the computer desk. Even the shaggy carpet was completely clean, down to the shining surface of the black marble floors that covered the entire room up to the small entry dip where there was only a small pair of black casual shoes and white running shoes. The organization and simplicity of the room made the small computer desk seem as though it belonged to someone completely different.

    As the young man lay peacefully on the carpet between his mattress and the dresser on his wall, there was a faint sound of sobbing that seemed to resonate from the walls. The sobbing seemed to carry enough emotion to make a snake’s spine shiver…


    “Love!? But we’re only 7!” Sachio’s voice seemed to almost slap Kimi-chan’s cute little face.
    “But even if we’re 7 that doesn’t mean we can’t love!” Kimi-chan’s eyes began to water as her lower lip started to jitter.
    “Ah!? Kimi-chan don’t cry!” Sachio was young but nonetheless he hated to see Kimi-chan cry. “I… I… lo...”
    “You love me?” Kimi-chan’s eyes began to glow and with greater intensity with the glare of the tears that never made it down her cheek.
    “Eto….” Sachio scratched his head lightly with a slight shrug and gave her a nervous smile.
    “I knew it! We’re going to be so happy together!” Kimi-chan jumped onto Sachio and squeezed him before he could finish his nervous chuckled making him strain to catch her before they fell on the fresh spring grass, he failed.
    “Ne Sachio-kun...” Kimi-chan seemed to break out of her tight squeeze and simply lay on Sachio’s stomach.
    “Ha... hai!” Sachio seemed even more nervous now than before as he tensed up and attempted to imitate an older man voice.
    “You think we’ll be able to get married even now that my father is going to AmSachioa?” Kimi-chan seemed to blush a little as she asked.
    “Ha ha!” Sachio jumped up at the question and started to scratch the back of his neck again. “Eto….eh”
    “Hmm…” Kimi-chan seemed to notice he was nervous and smiled at Sachio with tears still forming in her eyes. “Well, I know that I’ll never stop loving Sachio-kun!” she said as she jumped to her feet and extended her pinky out to Sachio as to make a promise. “You’re going to be my promised love! Ne?”
    Jumping to his feet and with both arms to his side Sachio slightly bowed saying, “Yes. I’ll be Kimi-chan’s promised love.”
    With a little giggle Kimi-chan pulled her finger back and seemed to bite her nail then bopped Sachio on the head and left laughing toward the school grounds.
    “Hurry up Sachio-kun! We’re going to be late!” Kimi-chan smiled warmly as she turned back toward Sachio putting her hands on her knees and waiting for him to get up.
    The Bell for class began to ring in the distance. Kimi-chan turned toward the school then looked back at Sachio and smiled warmly extending her hand to help me get up.

    The ringing got louder and louder as Sachio groaned slightly reaching for his cell phone, which was still under the covers on the bed. With a slight grunt he pulled it out and turned off the alarm and looked at the time.


    8:13 am

    “Holy crap!” Sachio jumped to his feet and dove for his dresser pulling out a pair of jeans and boxers. Looking around the room he looked for a clean shirt amongst all the dirty laundry that littered his room. “Geez I’m going to be late!”
    “Umph…” Ken dropped his towel as Sachio ran straight into his sleepy roommate. “What the hell Sachio?”
    “Uh, sorry Ken.” Sachio said as he got back up on his feet and extended a hand to help Ken get back up.
    “Damn it Sachio if we don’t set our alarms earlier we’re always going to be fighting for the shower.” Ken said as he took Sachio’s helping hand and got up.
    “We’d still fight over the shower even if we got up on time, we’d just fight for it earlier.” Sachio said as he looked toward the bathroom door only a few feet away. Sigh “Ok you go ahead I’m tired I’ll just take a shower after you.”
    “What’s the rush to shower?” Ken said as he picked up his towel, “it’s Saturday, do you have a hot date or something?”
    “Saturday!?” Sachio yelled as he almost fell backwards.
    “Yea, it’s Saturday morning.” Ken replied as he headed into the bathroom to turn on the water. “I’m getting ready to go down to the park with the baseball team.” Groan. Sachio started to head back to his room as Ken was talking. “Hey! Are you going back to bed again?” he followed Sachio and stopped at the doorway, “you should really clean up bro, all I can see are little specs of your floor like little white flakes here and there.” He ducked away when Sachio threw an old shirt from the floor at Ken.
    Last edited by sculptor85; 11-29-2006 at 11:42 AM.




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