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  1. #1
    Ishman is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    Default What do you think?

    This story setting is about 2 years old, unfinished, and unpolished.

    What do you think of it, and is it good enough to expand and add real characthers into?
















    August 12, 2008:
    43 Deep space observational satellites go silent; night side planetary observatories are immediately trained on projected positions of the satellites. Only scrap is found, accounting for a fraction of the satellites, no trace of what happened to the rest of the satellites is found.
    August 13, 2008:
    A small orb approximated to be 10 meters in diameter is detected by microwave radar 500,000 kilometers beyond the moons orbit; telescopes are immediately trained on it. 3 minutes later a beam of unknown type stabs out, annihilating the orb it was projected from and slices straight through 40km of moon rock to hit an observatory with especially powerful instruments trained on it.
    August 14, 2008:
    Panic ensues worldwide when the news travels to every corner of the globe.
    August 15, 2008:
    Nations around the world pour billions into black-ops research for advanced orbital defenses, effective spacecraft, and powerful power plants.
    January 1, 2010:
    Construction on the Mariana trench Accelerator is completed. It spans the entire length of the trench with advanced Fabrication units alongside it to produce alloys with amazing properties and to create massive amounts of buckyballs and buckytubes. The buckyballs are used to restrain the anti-matter particles, because the carbon atoms repulse the anti-atoms they never come in contact with normal matter, (the only other known way is an extremely strong electromagnetic field) and other exotic elements produced by the accelerator in a stable casing, it takes nearly as much energy to break a buckyball (if you aren’t using chemicals) as it releases. And the buckytubes are used for construction purposes, they are as strong as diamonds, far less brittle, and have amazing heat resistance properties. Covering a shirt in a layer only a few tubes deep and wrapping around the entire shirt makes it at least 10 times stronger than a Kevlar vest, with incredible fire-resistant properties. This is only a very small fraction of the uses of these materials. The Accelerator smashes different particles together at speeds approaching light, or piles particles into an atom to create a super heavy element with incredible properties. Many other uses are there but are too varied to go into. The Accelerator gets its energy from geothermal plants located on the sea floor all around it(only a few at the current time). With current efficiencies and numerous other power sources connected to each plant, the Accelerator currently gets 50 terawatts a minute of energy, only a small fraction of this is used to power the accelerator, (except when creating useful quantities of antimatter) the rest is used for mining the massive amounts of useful minerals on the seabed or drilling down towards the core of the planet for huge quantities of metal and heavy elements. Energy is also diverted to the automated factories (where large-scale structures are built such as aircraft, weaponry, space capable vehicles, satellites and so on), Fabricators, (uses nanomachines to create delicate instruments such as perfect mirrors, perfect welds on large-scale structures and so on. Also has 100% production efficiency, nothing produced is flawed) Hydroponics, and other secondary systems. A small base is also located in the trench for humans. Remaining energy is then diverted to the nearby continents. About 70% of the produced materials goes to the United States Government, 20% for the Civilian use in the Americas and the remaining 10% for other countries considered to be useful as American allies such as Canada, Brazil, Mexico, Panama, and so on.
    March 20, 2012:
    5 Nuclear missiles, each with a yield of over 5,000 Mega Tons were aimed at the earth. All were taken down by X-ray satellites; they have a nuclear bomb inside them, and once detonated direct the X-rays into a laser, that can then be aimed at the target. The problem is that the satellites are consumed in the explosion. Over 40 were used because the missiles had been traveling at nearly 1C, or one hundredth of the speed of light.
    Immediate action was taken to move over 50 asteroids into a stable Geostationary orbit around the Earths equator at a height of 38,786 km. Each asteroid is at least 100km in diameter. The largest known asteroids were moved including Ceres, Pallas, Vesta, and Hygeia. These four are over 450kilomerters in diameter, Ceres being over 1000 in some places. One ice asteroid was also moved into orbit for fusion reactor fuel (hydrogen), and an easy source of potable water.

    May 20, 2015;
    Construction on all satellites has begun, the smallest satellites have been partially mined and these caves are being turned into biospheres. The metals or minerals mined from the asteroids are cut up right outside the asteroid, mixed with a foam lighter than water, and turned into teardrop shaped barges weighing 40 tons they are then giving a precise rotation that will take aero brake them into the ocean, where they will then be towed to the major continents for an incredibly cheap source of raw materials. The water from the ice asteroid (not being turned into a habitable satellite) is being used to supply the other asteroids with useful volatiles.
    The completed biospheres inside each asteroid will have a solar tube running the entire length of the cave, the plasma has been calibrated so it gives off the same spectrum of light as the sun (no harmful radiation besides UV light) so plants can grow; it also provides heat. Two powerful EM fields of opposite polarity contain the plasma so that the plasma can be cycled, or dimmed to simulate the Circadian rhythm. Each biosphere is oriented so that it can make use of the centrifugal force that each asteroid will have once it has been fully mined.
    The asteroids that will be weapon platforms, such as Ceres, will be coated in a layer of bucky tubes nearly an inch thick, they will have beams of super strong alloys that run throughout the asteroid to reinforce its structure, which will be connected to the protective outer layer. They will not rotate so the weapons can be more easily targeted. Standard weaponry includes 8 independently targetable X-ray lasers based on the surface of the asteroid. The power rating on average is 10 gigawats, with a dedicated backup fusion reactor for all 8. Some of the smaller asteroids lasers have reduced ratings because of limitations on space; the chambers to contain the directed nuclear explosions have to have incredibly powerful EM fields to contain the nuclear blasts, otherwise they would be one-shot weapons. Several of the largest asteroids have ones with a power rating of over 2 terawatts. Each asteroid is orbited by 3 rail guns that get power from microwave lasers beamed at them. The rail guns accelerate pieces of depleted uranium, with a diameter of 1 cm and a coating of ablative foam, to an appreciable fraction of the speed of light, nearly 1%. Missile launchers cover the asteroids capable of launching warheads in size from 1 megaton to nearly 300. Massive stores of missiles are put in heavily shielded bunkers inside the asteroids. Also there are shells of smart mines around the asteroids; able to differentiate between Friend and Foe.

    January 3, 2018
    Three objects are detected at the very limit of the satellite sensor shell positioned in Mars orbit. Estimated size was 1,500km in radii. The EOD (exo-orbital-defense) decides to wait for hostile intent. 18 hours later four sensor satellites are disabled by a focused burst of hard radiation. A heavily shielded military defense satellite survives with crippling damage to its energy source to observe the orbs move in to the trailing Jupiter Trojan belt. The orbs were seen to be taking massive amounts of raw materials, and about 3 hours before the superconductor batteries ran out of power to transmit images via laser, an orb was seen to release what was thought to be a fighter craft, moved in to an orbit roughly between mars and Jupiter, using a fusion drive system, and accelerating at nearly 5 gravities. The feed then cut out.

    February 1, 2018

    51 ships are seen heading in towards Earth at an acceleration rate of 13 gravities. Estimated arrival time at current speed was 6 hours. All defense systems were immediately put on maximum readiness; all armed and safeties released. Turnover commenced 2 hours into flight, decelerating at 5 gravities. Revised time estimate: 9 hours. 3 minutes later 200 missiles are detected accelerating at an incredible 20 gravities. 5,000 lasers from various bases on the Moon and small defense satellites (roughly 50- 200 meters in diameter) are fired in return at the missiles. All are destroyed. In retaliation the EOD authorizes release of nuclear weapons. 2,000 1-megaton missiles are launched at the enemy ships. Over 1,500 are taken down by the varied defense systems of the presumed alien fighters. The remaining 500 or so detonate 15,000 km out. 50 are set for EM overload of the enemy systems space around them is obscured by fusion fire. 12 activate Jamming on all wavelengths. 38 explode and direct beams of pure X-Ray destruction at one craft. It is instantly annihilated in a 38-megaton blast of concentrated radiation. The remaining 400 nukes close another 10,000km before detonating in a shockwave of destruction.

    More energy was released in that one battle than in all the wars of Earth before this.

    The next day it is decided that retaliation is in order. Sensors stab out at the speed of light and locate the enemy armada. It consists of over 380 of the craft identified as fighters and several new ones presumed to be control ships of some kind. Humans around the world yell in glee as over 500,000 smart fusion weapons are launched. Consisting of Jamming missiles, decoys, differential energy weapons, and nearly 50 KX-49s, [An antimatter missile shielded by a then field of plasma contained in an EM field, the plasma is over 300 times as dense as water and at nearly 20,000kelvin, unimaginably hot. The KX-49 has over 40 antimatter warheads each with a rating of nearly a teraton. It has enough power to wipe the atmosphere off the Earth turn the surface to liquid, and put out more Gamma radiation than a pulsar. The warheads each focus all the energy of their explosion into a beam powerful enough to cut straight through the Earth.] the storm of oblivion is targeted to the alien orbs. The fighters are not even in the equation.

    The orbs launch thousands of anti-missile rockets, laser defense systems, and jam the entire electromagnetic band. They destroy, shake off, or render useless nearly 300,000 missiles, yet that leaves over 200,000 missiles. Every single KX-49 survives. They are the pinnacles of human technology and nearly 17 are targeted to each orb. Every warhead is fired, and every one detonates at only 5,000km away from the alien ships. Massive shield systems flare under the immense energies at work, but they are no match for over
    680 teratons of pure concentrated energy. And the shells holding the warheads slam into the orbs (with the “shield” still on) at nearly 20,000km a second, adding to the destruction. The shields are breached and the orbs are sliced to pieces. Then the remaining warheads detonate. The light is so intense that it heats the Earth by a degree, the night is turned to an unimaginably bright day, and anyone not in shelter will be blinded for nearly a day, looking directly at it will literally burn the eyes. This is only a fraction of the energy that leaked out.

    Amazingly a small portion of one the ships survived. It is presumed that a toroid of plasma diverted the full impact of tens of times the temperature of the heart of a star, and that it was made from an unknown material, its quantum structure could not be identified. Only one thing was known about it, it contained information. Trillions of terabytes of information. And we had access to it. With it we discovered many things, a partial understanding of the incredibly complex Xeno-phobic alien language, that their was an alliance of aliens fighting against them, unfortunately doing very poorly for they were almost entirely pacifists, more technologically advanced aliens who simply ignored the squabbling of such pitiful races; and most importantly of all how to travel the stars. With this information and all the technology we gained we expanded out into our star system, enhanced our natural abilities with nanotechnology, and joined this Commonwealth of aliens to teach them the true meaning of 50,000 thousand years of war. We came to kick ass.

    That time is now. The year, 2030. The story has just begun.

  2. #2
    אֲדֹנָי is offline Senior Member Well Known
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    Default

    I'm thinking CW forum.

    And yes, add characters.

  3. #3
    sperm worm is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    Default

    it's good, but it should be in the creative works section... c'mon ish, you know better...

  4. #4
    Ishman is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    Default

    ...

    Oh yeah, that's right... we have other places besides CC now.

    Woops, I forgot.
    ...


    Doesn't matter though.

  5. #5
    StealDragon's Avatar
    StealDragon is offline Super Moderator Community Builder
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    its nice but it seems too... techinical. less like a story and more like a government report. it just lacks literary gravity, that stuff that draws you in to keep you interested, instead it seems like a bombardment of facts and figures...


    I'd like to die with the songs I love stuck in my head. I hope to make the most of these hollow bones we become.
    I raise a toast to the the souls that sang all along. I've been gathering friends to just to make some sounds,
    before the ship goes down, I've been making amends by making the rounds before the whole world ends


    [Chit Chat Specific Forum Rules] // Last Update - Friday March 13, 2009

  6. #6
    Ishman is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    Kinda meant to be that.

    Was just a summary of what happens.

    I was thinking it might be a good universe [if fleshed out more] for a webcomic.

    Young teenager gets embroiled in it, something a bit like all the classic anime sterotypes.

    Except not retarded.

  7. #7
    אֲדֹנָי is offline Senior Member Well Known
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    What SD said, you might want to change some the explanations to handwaving, at least initially, you shouldn't explain everything from the start.

    And ask for a edit from someone like Hanul did:

    http://www.stoptazmo.com/showthread.php?t=15395

  8. #8
    Ishman is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    It's oooold.

    I could expand it and correct all the mistakes in it pretty easily, just asking for some critics on the storyline and any suggestions.

    And thoughts again.

    And handwaving... Hrm, interesting...

    This was mostly intended to be a sort of time-line of events, for if I was going to make it into an actual story with charaters and such.

  9. #9
    StealDragon's Avatar
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    so your saying this is more of a storyboard than an introduction? well if thats true then you REALLY dont need all the facts and figures just a base outline of the events and the plot. by definition a storyboard has no details only the brief description of the timetable of events and general plotline.


    I'd like to die with the songs I love stuck in my head. I hope to make the most of these hollow bones we become.
    I raise a toast to the the souls that sang all along. I've been gathering friends to just to make some sounds,
    before the ship goes down, I've been making amends by making the rounds before the whole world ends


    [Chit Chat Specific Forum Rules] // Last Update - Friday March 13, 2009

  10. #10
    Ishman is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    It was more of a story when orginally writen, but now I'm thinking it would make for a good storyboard.

    However, It could be easily revised into an actual narrated story of events, one with more oomph, suspense, and possibly leading up to a series of such narrations.

    Similar open-ended endings, such as the current ending, would fit perfectly.

 

 
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