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  1. #1
    Minow the Great is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    Default My original manga (is doujinshi the right term...?)

    So yea, i know i suck at the forums, but i just love to promote my works ^_^ so i'd like anyone to check my comic and if possible criticize it... perhaps tell me how to improve or tip me, but softly plz... 'cause i tend to go berserk when people talk to me like masters... warned! anyway, the link is http://9card.smackjeeves.com if anyone read it, i'd be more than happy ^_^ i know it's not too good, but... hey! i wanna be better! and we all love manga! Thanks for your attention!

  2. #2
    nataku_0 is offline Senior Member Well Known
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    doujinshi is actually your drawings based on someone else's manga or characters.

    hard for me to critique without being too hard, so I won't say anything, other than that you should do your best to clean up the final draft of the page, perhaps with some kind of inking (not from a ballpoint pen).

    and I may be wrong, but isn't it "Ninth Card", not "Nineth Card"?

  3. #3
    Minow the Great is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    Quote Originally Posted by nataku_0
    doujinshi is actually your drawings based on someone else's manga or characters.

    hard for me to critique without being too hard, so I won't say anything, other than that you should do your best to clean up the final draft of the page, perhaps with some kind of inking (not from a ballpoint pen).

    and I may be wrong, but isn't it "Ninth Card", not "Nineth Card"?
    ^_^ i do ink it... with speedgraphers and drawliners, but i also add pencil 'cause i can't buy screentones and i don't use photoshop... and yes it's Ninth Card, but my english is totally screwed up- sorry!

  4. #4
    nataku_0 is offline Senior Member Well Known
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minow the Great
    ^_^ i do ink it... with speedgraphers and drawliners, but i also add pencil 'cause i can't buy screentones and i don't use photoshop... and yes it's Ninth Card, but my english is totally screwed up- sorry!
    If you can't screentone, photoshop is your next best friend. It would help you very much, especially when you need to clean up your lines. Also, what is the size of your paper that you draw on?

  5. #5
    Minow the Great is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    Quote Originally Posted by nataku_0
    If you can't screentone, photoshop is your next best friend. It would help you very much, especially when you need to clean up your lines. Also, what is the size of your paper that you draw on?
    Well i used to use photoshop but i haven't found it lately... it's very neat. i'll use it again. I draw on A5 (you know, half an A4); i looked for B5 (which, i understand, is the average size for manga) but i couldn't find it... yea, i'll try to use photoshop again ^_^ umm do you draw doujinshi or manga???

  6. #6
    nataku_0 is offline Senior Member Well Known
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    I don't draw manga, in terms of creating my own.

    I do have experience with character design for a manga project that a close friend of mine started.
    The project, however, consisted of about 7 different, active people with main roles, alongside with a few dozen of people helping from time to time with miscellaneous things. In other words, it is a pretty big thing to make a good manga, from my experience.
    (I quit halfway through, though, because of time contraints, so I couldn't make so much of a commitment to help).
    I also have toning experience, but that is just what I pick up from different people, nothing very amazing.

  7. #7
    kratsee is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    I've read your comic and now for the critic.

    What needs work:
    Story telling
    Drawing
    Presentation of finished pages
    Word balloons


    Suggestions and suggestions on how to improve:

    Story telling
    If you have any friends who live near you that you can ask. Have them tell you what they think is going on before you add text to the pages. This is important, because if you tell them before they tell you they may say "yah" or "that looks nice." Also, it will be easier for them to point out why they did not understand what was going on after you tell them what you wanted the reader to understand on the page/s.

    Drawing
    Practice. Also if possible have a friend pose for you. If a friend will not draw people from books, TV, magazines, the park, coffee houses, etc. And look into books that help teach artists how to draw anatomy. Also your backgrounds do need more work. try adding more textures to them. Good backgrounds help with the story telling. And try mixing up the angles in your panels more.

    Presentation of finished pages
    Pencil, ink, erase pencils, and add "special effects."
    You mentioned that you use pencil for shading etc. that is OK, BUT you need to erase the original pencils before you add the final shading. To give your pages a more finished look. And there is more than one way to create shading or toning pages. Try playing around with ink using a brush and/or sponges, or even stamps. If you don't want to go that route try cross-hatching with ink. With just a pen you can create a variety of textures you just need to play around with it.

    Word balloons
    Try to keep you word balloons in the panels that they are intended for. In other words don't break the panel borders. Cause if you do in an inappropriate way you can confuse the readers.

    Other things to know.
    When doing close ups on characters try not to cut them off at a joint with the panel borders. Do not have characters standing directly on the panel borders. And be very careful when you have a character or anything else breaking a panel border. Try writing out a short couple page comic then drawing it so it has a beginning, middle, and ending. And it makes it easier to critic the story telling.

    I hope this wasn't too harsh.

    And one more thing.
    I'm glad to see that you are working on comic pages instead of illustrations. Keep up the good work! Comic pages are better for critics because it gives others a chance to get more familiar with your art style instead of illustrations. I mentioned your backgrounds before, but I also wanted to say good job on having them. I did notice you did perspective, keep it up.

  8. #8
    Minow the Great is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    Waaaa, Kratsee!! thanks a LOT!! that was very useful-- not just for me but for everyone who'd like to draw comics! thanks a lot!!!

  9. #9
    GEPPETTOSMONSTER is offline Senior Member Frequent Poster
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    that is definitely a nice one you have there man (sorry if your a girl). I especially like the main character acts a bit like vash or kenshin

  10. #10
    RedAdonis is offline Senior Member Regular
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    Hmmm, you manga kinda remind me of Aeries. Any way, you probablly want to add more shading to make it look more "profisional" just don't use photoshop to do that.


    To fight or not to fight....... someone will always die in the end.

    Sorry, excuse my lack of English: what is "Card Captor Sakura gangbang?" Well, yes I know what "Card Captor Sakura" is, but what is "gangbang?" A gun fight?
    -kj1980-

 

 
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