Hmm...quite interesting and a good start. Try and work on improving your drawing style and work on your body. I like the detail you put into the sword though. I feel that you kinda rushed the 'manga' by trying to start with more of an action sort of approach for the beginning.
Sugiyama's pose was quite nice in my opinion, but feels and looks like One Piece to an extent.
You need to learn how to shade properly with your characters an environment, as it can turn a plain picture in to quite a more realistic piece of art.
You need to work on the hair. Anime and manga style hair isnt a paper's thickness, so you need to add more mass to the hair area. Even Kenshin had more hair on his head (referring to pg. and, even though I have a rough idea on the hair style, dont make the hair strands that minimal and thick. The Hair is one of the most fun parts of drawing ^_^ Have more fun with his hair and add more mass to the entire hair so it doesnt look like he is about to go bald. You wouldn't want your hair to look like that... or do you =P
And, you need to work on your hair shading too... You add too much light on just one section of the hair. Spread it out and thin the light a tad.
Please don't make a normal face-to-face eye level scene where the character's feet are bigger than his face...makes them look silly...
I like the facial expressions so that is a plus ^_^
Try using Wild Words instead of that font you use to make it look more 'manga'-y -> Get it here
And does his hair style like...change every couple of pages? In one he has it in pony-tail in another there isnt no pony tail...And also with the clothing design. One he had chain links on the chest plate and the other its just a metal pate instead. Also...pg.15 his head looks like an onion, but the mindless stance he is making looks cool.
Btw...good stuff for your first try. Interesting read too. Work on your drawing, and its all good. I wish you luck with your future chapters. Nice detail to stuff though...
Edit: Try limit the over-use of speech and try and create the info text boxes to try and push the story along. You should also try adding the norm of japanese hiragana and katakana sound effect characters to make it feel more like a manga. With what Kratsee said about the story, write it down before drawing something. Try and get a story down on paper/word processor and try to make a rough storyboard before just drawing something right off the mark. Even if the storyboard was just a 5sec scribble on paper, its worth it so you dont screw the rest of your work on the page up. (For example, I drew a 5 sec scrap of my sig on paper before I made it, its a good idea to make scrap images first).
WHERE IS THE FEMALE CHARACTER?!? WHAT IS A MANGA WITHOUT A FEMALE?!? CRAZY?!?
>.> Need to work on cleaning my rants up
Last edited by keis; 11-14-2006 at 05:26 AM.
Reason: More things added ^_^
Listen to the noise
Ara... minna-san, thanks for your advices and for taking the time to read through my humble artwork... ^^; I'll work really hard on improving, and be sure I will mind your advices thanks once again!!
I'm liking the art style here. There is nothing wrong that can't be cleaned up with experience. Good job. I'm also in the process of drawing an original work. Check out my thread if you're interested.
Rain of swords ... nice name.
Originally Posted by Minow the Great
Don't worry kratsee, your criticisms isn't really harsh. Your tone and style of speech is a lot better than a lot of people online who just exclaims : " This sucks! " without providing reasons to it. Any form of criticism is good when you can learn from it.
Originally Posted by kratsee
Anyway, I found some points to add on.
( Sorry, if it is quite long ... )
Art - Related ...
Continuity between panels ... => could be improved, since your fight sequences and character dialogue feel quite static.
Strokes / Lineart => Inking and Outlining the characters and borders could improve the feel of the comic. Darn, Photoshop is just so good at this. But if you can't get it, try to find Corel Painter or another Imaging Tool that is good for the job. If you really can't find any, try to use a good inking pen and some tracing paper to trace over your original piece in case you damage it while inking it.
Shading / Backgrounds => Nice beginner's attempt at it, try to improve on it for a more professional look. More references and practice, and you will get better. ^.^"
Poses => Like what kratsee said, get someone to pose for you or search for reference pictures. You could also use guiding lines to form the base of the pose before drawing on it.
Story - Related ...
Research => Doing a good martial art epic ( or even any story ), is to do background research. It would make fight sequences and techniques more realistic and feasible for the characters.
Extra tips : There is a girl in your comic that does a unique blend of Taiqi swordplay and ninja techniques. Taiqi ( or Tai chi ) is known to be a soft martial art that uses circular motion to parry/ shift away the force of an incoming blow and counter with the force gain from the flowing movement ( imagine something like Aikido. ) while Ninjitsu is known to use a method call Tai Sabaki to evade blows by shifting the body out of the path of movement.
Getting her to use straight forward blows like in Karate or Kendo would make her look a bit weird. You could get a friend to try out the movements with you to make the character's fighting technique to seem more natural ... ^.^"
( Since it would be weird to see a defensive character to be incredibly aggressive or a soft technique practitioner to whack an opponent with hard strikes. )
Tying down the plot : Try to visualise how the story flows, to prevent it from becoming to messy or out of point. Plot holes usually occur when authors written something without remembering what they mentioned earlier. ( Eg, Dragons are afraid of water ... but strangely, a dragon appears in front of our protagonist from a lake ... filled with water. ) Try to think of how to end is as well, since most stories tend to start off well but end abruptly with many questions unanswered.
Tips again => Try to use the basic 3 acts.
Act 1 : Call to Journey ( The hero/protagonist beginning his quest. )
Act 2 : Development of main characters as he strives for goal, learns from mentors and defeat threshold guardians.
Act 3 : To the Climate and Epilogue ( aka final boss/antagonist battle and what happens after that ... all main questions finally answered. )
Creating Character Depth / Emotion => Putting in backstory and motivation for each of the characters, affecting the way they behave and the way they fight. Some character, like Leon for instance, can have a good backstory to explain why is he motivated to be merciless and 'evil'. ( Most villians in stories were once normal or even 'good' people until a dramatic event turned them into their current selves. ) Emotion is also important since people in real life don't really live with only one mood or react to a situation in a single way.
Extra tips : Make a list for each character and write down a few facts about them including:
What happened to them in the past ? ( where were they both and how they lived etc ... )
How did the characters get their present characteristics ?
What motivates them to fight ?
How do they normally speak or act ?
Who trained them in their skills ?
Who are they related to ?
What other quirks or unique traits do they have ? ( aka what do they do when they are free ? Not all wanderers spent all their time just wandering around without eating or sleeping. )
Character Arcs : Sub-plots outside the main story, mainly dealing with character goals and motivations, as well as the development of relationship between each other.
Anyway, here is the end of my long list of points ... I hope you find them useful ...
Last edited by Wayfarerstrife; 08-11-2007 at 01:57 AM.
Reason: adding in a few extra points
Keep practicing. I have a friend that started drawing at high school. At first, he really sucked. But he drawed at least 2 pages every day, 7 days a week. He also went to college and followed the Art branch and I must say that he now draws very well. The point is, even gifted people have to work hard to acheive a good quality level. Read and inform them selves not only about the drawing subject, but in general culture too (my friend studied anatomy, to draw people correctly), so that you become a better storyteller, learn new techniques, etc.
Keep up the good work.
The link doesn't seem to work for me...so...I can't see anything....
The Time Will Come When A Goddess Will Save Us All....