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  1. #21
    mystic_guard_sinoel is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Teh Emoness!!!!! I expected more from you Hanul. Oh well it's not like I haven't grossly exaggerated for writing assignments before.


  2. #22
    Subliminal is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hanul View Post
    It’s time to die
    So say your good byes
    Don’t even cry
    Don’t shed a single tear
    For those you hold so very dear
    Walk towards death happily
    Because it is your duty
    It’s time to die so say your good byes
    Good bye
    You need a larger vocabulary, maybe a thesaurus will be of great aid. When expanding your lexicon, attempt to absord the more descriptive words. Words others can actually feel, see, touch, and what have you; sensory words, more or less. As a tip, try reading the works of more distinguished poets. Note, all poems do not have to rhyme. Personally, I would try writing about something other than one's dissolution. Have you ever tried romantic poems, or rather, poems about a beautiful vista or city that you have seen and come to adore.
    Last edited by Subliminal; 11-01-2006 at 08:35 PM.
    And all that's best of dark and bright, meets in her aspect, and her eyes.

  3. #23
    Hanul is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    Actually,to me all cities are somewhat ugly.Never been to a vista. Romantic poems,well I'll try those out when I actually feel love. Plus for vocabulary.Well its a short little song,and well large words don't seem to ryhme well together.

    I know all poems do not have to ryhme, but I'm a ryhmer, I like to ryhme, plus I get this feelign that it flows a little better if it ryhmes.

    Until one has given everything, one has given nothing.
    —Georges Guynemer

  4. #24
    Subliminal is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    If you truly wish to be the best poet you can, do not limit yourself. Never-the-less, you'll only be able to continue as a mediocre artist, at best, if do not try to obtain a larger vocabulery.
    And all that's best of dark and bright, meets in her aspect, and her eyes.

  5. #25
    Hanul is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    You mispelled vocabulary there, and yeah I'm gonna try working on my vocabulary,but wouldn't that just distance me from the general public if I used words that no one but the upper-classes/smart knew?I'd rather have a vocabulary where everyone can understand than for a large vocabulary where only a few could understand.
    Last edited by Hanul; 11-01-2006 at 09:27 PM.

    Until one has given everything, one has given nothing.
    —Georges Guynemer

  6. #26
    Hanul is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    Ok right now I'm aiming for the flow of my poems. Does it flow well, bad, or not at all?Most (If not all) are short.I'm gonna try to include bigger vocabulary in my later works, just need to find a way to incorportate them into it.
    Heres a new one,I'll probably post one every week or so:
    Oh obscurity
    That dims my visibility
    Oh how I cannot see
    My activities
    Nor the consequences
    That they bring upon me

    Until one has given everything, one has given nothing.
    —Georges Guynemer

  7. #27
    Kochiro is offline Senior Member Long Time Member
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    Sounds like you're just being stubborn. XD
    Having different words could also inspire other people too.
    Back, and Drowsy.
    Someone should make me a signature.

  8. #28
    Hanul is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    Indeed.
    Do you know how I could replace some of those words without changing the flow or the rhythem?

    Until one has given everything, one has given nothing.
    —Georges Guynemer

  9. #29
    sperm worm is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    HANUL! NO! BIG WORDS DO NOT MAKE A GOOD POEM!

    all of the good poems are made with small and easy to understand words. these flow better, and are easier for the reader to understand. do you really think that the reader wants to read a complicated poem? a poem needs to be done with quickly, and the reader shouldnt have to get up to get a dictionary in the middle of it.

  10. #30
    KingDarr is offline Senior Member Well Known
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    Pretty cool, but i found a few grammar mistakes in there.

 

 
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