Thread: Claymore RPG -Opinions Please-

@xxsazn

Sure not a problem

I like your idea. But we have to jump onto horses instead of cars! (kidding)

^Get a carriage with four horsepower. :P Three horses will give you a troika.

"Ph34r my M4D 5kilz !!"

No leeting all over the rp, please. (For the terminally unimaginative, replace leeting with pissing, defecating, etc.)

No l33t ? But I wanted to show of my Haxxor skills

..I prefer engrish anyway

Hmm hey I noticed the RP is moving at a turtle's pace. Can we get more posting? Me and Elcura want to close the knots by the end of this weekend to begin the third mission to include more players into the story. Thanks again

Yay the 2nd mission is gonna end in a few days may be I'll get my rank.

Phantom Miria I'm just going to ask something what is your opinion in the revision I made on my character or it still needs more revising?

After re-reading I realized something. I never approved your history, I naturally assumed it was alright because Elcura said Approved on your profile. Here is what I think.

age of 8 children of Kaiserkreuz are trained in reading and writing, etiquette and decorum, and in swordsmanship and archery

I don't know I still say you have a superiority complex working about this. While theres nothing wrong I just don't like it to be honest with you. This is further followed up with the next line.

He was born naturally good in combat skill.

At the age of 8. Your really at a bind since normal 8 year olds are always playing and being little urchins unless your a prince of a kingdom then I'd understand it but you're more or less from a family of noble rich mercenarys. If you were Guts and you lived with barbarian mercenaries I might understand but from the looks of things your a pretty boy who never went through hardship throughout your entire life as a human.

In your history you mention estates. Just how big is their land, the more and more I read it just makes me think they own enough lands to be calling themselves on the same level as a Dukedom than simple mercenaries. You're upbrining as a soldier and a noble is one thing but having that much power and estate is another. Also just to add, Yomas don't often go attacking soldiers nor do they charge in through a frontal assault to sound an alarm. If you look at Yomas they attack secretively hidden away in the shadows not to be seen by humans unless they're really at a bind or if they know the city has no soldiers or armed forces in massive numbers to charge at them. In most cases I see yomas as similar specimen as vampires, while they possess strength and physical abilities that surpass humans they really don't want to mess with a whole bunch of them since if many rise up against them, they can get killed also. In your family estate you have personal guards meaning you probably had at least 50 I'd assume with the size of your land and how your family sound like one of the top recognized noble houses. While I'm just guessing it doesn't seem like the typical actions a yoma would take in attacking head on into a place crawling with soldiers and lets say they do, it would make sense for them to be cautious enough so no such alarms are sounded off, if they do sound an alarm off it means more soldiers to deal with and that wouldn't be looking too advantageous to yomas.

Also the way you mention your family, it sounds like they're veterans and experts in combat. Probably even more than Galk and his friend whom Clare met on top of Rabona roofs. If the soldiers and your noble lineage had about as much or more skill than Galk and his knife throwing friend I don't see how all of them could have been wiped out by few yomas. It sounds like they're the best of their breed, born for battle, long lineage of soldiers and makes even less sense that they can be so easily killed off by few yomas.

The black robe man of the organization came to collect the fee since no one is available to pay

If a claymore arrived and saw no1 living in the village who can pay up, theres a high chance of the claymore just leaving without exterminating and yoma. It makes sense since they're paid to do the work and if the village can't pay up because no1 is alive it makes no sense to carry out the job that they risk their life for.

The man in black robes took the boy in the organization to be trained as one of their tools known as claymores and also took family Kaiserkreuz riches.

And the boy didn't say anything against it even though all of it belonged to his parents? Why, if your parents were that rich the man could have simply took the amount he was supposed to take and leave the boy to live off on the wealth his family had gathered up true? Again it makes no sense.

My advice, don't write a heroic story about a prince(infact please do us a favour and rewrite it and try to make your family to be something abit more normal or realistic than a fairytale story). It makes more the sense for the organization to recruit half dying, slaves with hardly nothing on them except for the clothes they wear than a rich boy with plenty to live off on. They also would feel they don't need a rich snobby prince anyway who will have a attitude to match and a personality thats hard to manipulate. People who have nothing have no motivation to live no pride hence they are more easier to brainwash and use unlike your prince/noble boy. Lastly watch your spelling, normally I wouldn't say this but it has alot of mistakes if you take a closer look at it.

Finally last piece of advice, you write too little in your RP posts. I've discussed it with Elcura and its very boring to interact with a character that writes so little as three sentences or less. Please get into the habit of writing decent amount when RPing as we want people to be more entertained. With short posts and minimum description I'm seeing negative effects hence I questioned Elcura's softness regarding handing out approvals before.

Update. Posted some insight on the nature of this mission which you were all led to believe a hunting mission. You've all been uses as baits for the creature they're hunting. I also provided some insights on Rado our favorite monotone masked handler.

Originally Posted by Phantom Miria

Finally last piece of advice, you write too little in your RP posts. I've discussed it with Elcura and its very boring to interact with a character that writes so little as three sentences or less. Please get into the habit of writing decent amount when RPing as we want people to be more entertained. With short posts and minimum description I'm seeing negative effects hence I questioned Elcura's softness regarding handing out approvals before.

Haha, I was indeed soft. Although I thought you approved Kaiser's history so I approved him as a whole. And Miria is indeed right, you need to post more detail (not a staggering amount, just something that makes your actions/thoughts coherent).

Edit: Lol @ using Arngrim. So awesome.

I've been gone for a while and lots has already happened. Looks like I timed my passing out correctly. I'll try to post now.

I was expecting that long harsh comment oh well back to rewriting the character history. About my short posts I was conscious about overwriting things that I shouldn't oh well my mistake then I got to change my post to a more coherent one. Since I can't edit my previous post where would I post the revision?