Thread: TextsFromLastNight

(610): Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love

(804): I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.

(617): it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.

(937): wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
(1-937): u like it?
(937): NOT THE POINT.

(802): PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.

(214): On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
(1-214): You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously

(979): I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar

(701): Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?


Lmao!

link or something?

Originally Posted by StealDragon

(979): I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar

Good one rofl

Last night.
I couldn't even get an answer.
I tried to call but my pride wouldn't let me dial.
And I'm sitting here with this blank expression.
And the way I feel, I wanna curl up like a child.

(616): Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.

(913): Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.

(317): I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect

(617): I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.

(209): update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
(1-209): the house was on fire??
(209): shit I thought I told you.

(616): Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.

(770): I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them

(641): she has no idea who harrison ford is.
(617): see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s

(650): what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?

(503): The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe. (IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON THAT NOTICED!!!)

(50: Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
(781): So you're taking me there this weekend?
(50: oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.

(250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
(1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.