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Thread: Jokes - relax

  1. #11
    Ferozban is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    yea, this is truly a mystery that's disturbing my whole view of the internet.

    we fuckin need some advertisment links to make this thread right

    My new signature to celebrate my 1000th post!!! (My waifu Yuno)

  2. #12
    windows7 is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said "My dog's cross- eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "lets have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and has a good look at its eyes. "Hmm," says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down" "Just because he's cross-eyed?" says the man. "No, because he's heavy," says the vet.

    Department of the Treasury Internal Revenue Service Washington, D.C. To: All Male Taxpayers RE: Notice of increase of tax payment Form 1040 - P The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed off, 20% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts. Accordingly, as of April 1, 1998, your penis will be taxed according to size. To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this informatin on page 2, section 7, line 3, on the Standard Form 1040. 10-16 inches Luxury Tax $50.00 8-10 inches Pole Tax $30.00 5-8 inches Privilege Tax $15.00 4-5 inches Nuisance Tax $5.00 Please note: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. Please do not ask for an extension!!!!!! Additionally, males exceeding 12 inches must file under Capital Gains. Sincerely, Peter Checker Internal Revenue Service
    Last edited by StealDragon; 04-29-2009 at 11:56 AM.

  3. #13
    StealDragon's Avatar
    StealDragon is offline Super Moderator Community Builder
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    I lol'd ^_^


    I'd like to die with the songs I love stuck in my head. I hope to make the most of these hollow bones we become.
    I raise a toast to the the souls that sang all along. I've been gathering friends to just to make some sounds,
    before the ship goes down, I've been making amends by making the rounds before the whole world ends


    [Chit Chat Specific Forum Rules] // Last Update - Friday March 13, 2009

  4. #14
    csuti's Avatar
    csuti is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    I want my refund!

  5. #15
    infamouse is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    Quote Originally Posted by csuti View Post
    I want my refund!
    ..............

  6. #16
    windows7 is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    Q: What does a man and a floor have in common? A: You lay them right the first time you can walk all over them forever!!

    There were two cats that enjoyed running together. The first cat was english, called One-two-three. The other was french and called Un-deux-trois. One day when they were running they came to a huge river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as far as they could. Which cat drowned? Un-deux-trois cat sank (un deux trois quatre cinq)

    Is there a God? A billion Hindus can't be wrong.

    What would you rather be, a light bulb or a bowling ball? Depends on whether you'd rather be screwed of fingered.

    Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
    Last edited by StealDragon; 04-29-2009 at 11:56 AM.

  7. #17
    dna2playboy is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    I'm confused as to why windows7 is allowed to double triple and quadruple post...

  8. #18
    999Ghosts is offline Senior Member Long Time Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by dna2playboy View Post
    I'm confused as to why windows7 is allowed to double triple and quadruple post...
    Guess whats the OS the StopTazmo server is using. C'mon, you've got an idea.

  9. #19
    windows7 is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died. David: Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry

    A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."

    A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her. He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold. She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh." "No, I wouldn't," he said. She said, "I sell tampons." With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard. She said, "See, I knew you would laugh." "That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"
    Last edited by StealDragon; 04-29-2009 at 11:57 AM.

  10. #20
    takahata is offline Senior Member Well Known
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    One day in Heaven, God notices Satan walking to him in a state of frustration. As Satan throws the keys to hell on God's desk, he curses. God ignores Satan's cursing.

    God asks Satan, "Why you are giving me the Keys to Hell?"

    Satan looks at God and gives him this answer, "Actually, I don't want to talk about it."

    God is puzzle, and replies, "How about your duties as my evil counterpart?"

    Satan answers, "If you have all of those lawyers up here in heaven, you will be frustrated and give me the Keys to Heaven."

 

 
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