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Voters
29. You may not vote on this poll
  • yes, go after lover boy/girl

    10 34.48%
  • no, keep the friendship!

    8 27.59%
  • other

    11 37.93%
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  1. #41
    CaNdYgirl252 is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    ...my friend can have them...so what...now if the third weel don't like my friend...can't say i wasn't helping out..lol

  2. #42
    irecinius is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Just ask one of the girl's girlfriend who she like.

    But be carefull though to which friend you ask, because if the strory leaks wrong girl ego can grow pretty fast, and neither will get the girl.

    And also is good to do a sitdown and ask what does your friend want with the girl? just a fling? or something more.
    Maybe one want more then the other then the choice would be logical.


    But if its two friend going out and wanting asking some girl out.
    Nothing like a coin toss~

    Bad for you girl the pretty friend chose head, and the coin gave tails.
    "Chile is a thin and tall country"

  3. #43
    Mr. Noodles is offline Senior Member Well Known
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    This sounds quite problematic, I cant even imagine it with me and my bestfriend having to take on this kinda situation.......
    Although I'd probably kepp the friendship......cos "there are more fish in the sea" XD
    hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....................

  4. #44
    Sherman is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dante Obscuri View Post
    I never said it'd be nice, nor that it would be easy. My point is, if you are really into the other person (this is assuming you know that person well enough, and are interested in having something serious), being all altruistic would be quite unfair for yourself.
    Yeah, OK, I get that. It does sort of come down to the specific people, but like I said, as a general rule of thumb, I'd probably personally stick with the tried and true friend over the as-yet untested girlfriend.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dante Obscuri
    Also, the decision will always be ultimately of the third person. It'll be that person the one who accepts, or rejects the proposal of whomever makes it. If that person accepts, then all I can assume is that the person is interested in the one that made the proposal.
    But that doesn't follow at all. I can't see how this works in a real life situation. These are the options I see.

    1. I approach the girl and say I like her and see if she agrees to go out with me. Let's assume she does. Does that mean that she doesn't prefer my friend? Maybe if he had asked her out, she would have gone out with him. But he didn't, so she just took what came. Doesn't mean she really "chose" me - she didn't know there was a choice.

    2. Same situation, but my friend asked her out first. Can I really rest comfortably with that, knowing that if I had been the one to ask her out, maybe that was just what she was waiting for, and she would have gone out with me?

    3. Both me and my friend approach her and ask her out separately. Now she knows bothe of us are interested, and so can make an informed choice. But that's fucking awkward. Now she has to tell one of us that she thinks the other one is better. Or, pick neither. Either way, one, two, or all of us end up getting hurt and the friendship gets real awkward after that.

    So what I'm saying is, I can't see a way in real life where "letting the third person choose" really works at all. If you've got a scenario where it does, let me know!

  5. #45
    Dante Obscuri is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sherman View Post
    Yeah, OK, I get that. It does sort of come down to the specific people, but like I said, as a general rule of thumb, I'd probably personally stick with the tried and true friend over the as-yet untested girlfriend.
    Yes, I would do that too. If it is only physical attraction, or a mere crush, I'd let my friend have his chance. My point was, if I am seriously interested in the other person, then I wouldn't.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sherman View Post
    1. I approach the girl and say I like her and see if she agrees to go out with me. Let's assume she does. Does that mean that she doesn't prefer my friend? Maybe if he had asked her out, she would have gone out with him. But he didn't, so she just took what came. Doesn't mean she really "chose" me - she didn't know there was a choice.
    If she went out with you that means she likes you (probably not as much as she may like other men, but even so, she likes you enough to go out with you). If she's not interested in you (or if she was only interested in your friend/someone else and, say, she was planning to go out with him), chances are she would have rejected your proposal.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sherman View Post
    2. Same situation, but my friend asked her out first. Can I really rest comfortably with that, knowing that if I had been the one to ask her out, maybe that was just what she was waiting for, and she would have gone out with me?
    You'd have had the same thoughts/feelings even if you wouldn't have told your friend you liked her as well. If you liked her enough to have serious regrets, wouldn't it have been better to talk with your friend?

    If you did talk with your friend, and he asked her first (assuming she accepted his proposal), it'll all come down to your loyalty toward your friend, and whatever resolution you both may have come down to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sherman View Post
    3. Both me and my friend approach her and ask her out separately. Now she knows bothe of us are interested, and so can make an informed choice. But that's fucking awkward. Now she has to tell one of us that she thinks the other one is better. Or, pick neither. Either way, one, two, or all of us end up getting hurt and the friendship gets real awkward after that.
    And why should everyone win? Mate, this is not a movie where all will come down to a simple resolution which all will be happy with. Being hurt is a possibility in all kinds of relationships. (This is, again, assuming you were serious about the third person. Otherwise, you could have avoided all of this.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Sherman View Post
    So what I'm saying is, I can't see a way in real life where "letting the third person choose" really works at all. If you've got a scenario where it does, let me know!
    I've never said there's a simple solution; if I have done it, please, point that out and I'll take it back. My point was that relationships are not that easy as to simply come down and say "I'd let my friend have her".
    Last edited by Dante Obscuri; 02-09-2008 at 12:22 PM.


  6. #46
    Sherman is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    None of that was ever directed at you personally anyway.
    I was just railing against the idealists who were chanting "just let the third person choose" as if it was some kind of magical perfect solution. I was just saying it isn't, for the reasons I outlined.

    Because I agree with you that
    Quote Originally Posted by Dante
    this is not a movie where all will come down to a simple resolution which all will be happy with.
    People who were mindlessly chanting "let the third person choose" weren't thinking it through. That's all I was saying

  7. #47
    98abaile's Avatar
    98abaile is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    First come, first serve. Just explain to your friend that you've had your eye on him/her as well.

 

 
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