Thread: Share a joke/funny story

ok this threads for you if your depressed so if you got any jokes or funnystories to share...they will be very much appreciated:
heres some to start you off:
my mate told me this.i dont get it but its funny all the same:
why do the tellytubbies all go to teh toilet at the same time?
coz they only have one tinkywinky!

a funny story:
imagine this: its the SATS and the whole year group is sitting in one huge hall doing a very inportant exam with loads of inspectors walking past you...and then some idiot lets off a fart bomb...now at this point you probaly expect everyone in the hall to do a runner...but NO...the inspectors told us everyone had to remain in their seats or else you would be disqualified!....so yh...me and everyone else had to sit in the damned hall for liek 20 mins until the smell went....hmmm its not that funny if you tell someone it...it was bare funny if you were there....lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeeYbt1K00E

Chug chug chug.

er...heres some classics:
why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side (duh!-that is...if it actually makes it hehe)
why is 6 scared of 7?
because 7 ATE 9!
why did the tomato blush?
because it saw the salad dressing!

you're momma's so stupid she bought windows vista

hehe got that from ask a ninja (check it out on youtube)

http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/.../04/pigfly.htm

“Why did Lenin wear regular shoes, but Stalin wore boots?”
“Because in Lenin's time, Russia was still only ankle-deep in shit.”

“What is the difference between the Constitutions of the USA and USSR? Both guarantee freedom of speech.”
“Yes, but the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom after the speech.”

“What is permitted and what is prohibited?” “In England, what is permitted, is permitted, and what is prohibited, is prohibited.
In America everything is permitted except for what is prohibited.
In Germany everything is prohibited except for what is permitted.
In France everything is permitted, even what is prohibited.
In the USSR everything is prohibited, even what is permitted."

“What is a one word joke?”
“Communism."

Karl Marx was resurrected and came to the USSR. He was shown factories, hospitals, cities and villages, etc. Finally, he requested to be allowed to make a speech on TV. The Politburo hesitated as they were afraid he might say something they wouldn't approve. Marx promised he would say only one sentence. Under this condition, the Politburo agreed. Karl Marx uttered the following sentence: "Workers of all countries, forgive me."

At a May Day parade, a very old Jew carries a slogan, "Thank you, comrade Stalin, for my happy childhood!"
The Party representative approaches the old man. "What's that? Are you deriding our Party? Everybody can see, when you were a child, comrade Stalin was not yet born!"
"That's precisely what I'm grateful to him for!" the Jew said.

Two brothers, John, and Bob, who lived in America and were members of the communist party, decided to emigrate to the USSR. Even though they didn't believe the American media's negative reports on the conditions in the USSR, they decided to exercise caution. First, only John would go to Russia to test the waters. If, contrary to the media reports, the living conditions would be found good, and the reports about persecutions by the KGB false, than John would write a letter to Bob using black ink whose color would signify that the letter is to be taken at face value. If, though, the situation in the USSR happened to be bad, and John would be afraid of writing the truth, he would use red ink thus indicating that whatever he says in the letter must not be believed.
In three months John sent his first report. It was in black ink and read, "Dear brother Bob! I'm so happy here! It's a beautiful country, I enjoy complete freedom, and high standard of living. All the capitalist press wrote was lies. Everything is readily available! There is only one small thing of which there's shortage, namely red ink."

A woman walking in the street is carrying a bag full of rolls of toilet paper.
A passer-by opens his mouth, "Hey, mother, where did you buy it?"
"Buy? Are you crazy? Where could I buy it nowadays? They are five years old. I am taking them back from the cleaners."

A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman argued about Adam's nationality.
The Frenchman said, "Of course Adam was French. Look how passionately he made love to Eve!"
The Englishman said, "Of course Adam was British. Look how he gave his only apple to the lady, like a real gentleman."
The Russian said, "Of course Adam only could be Russian. Who else, possessing nothing but a sole apple, and walking with a naked ass, still believed he was in a paradise?"


Ah, soviet humor.

Lol Jakko gets post of the day yet again.

A couple of hikers in the countryside :
her :
- "Honey, this scenery makes me speechless !"
him :
- "Perfect, we will camp out here tonight then..."

***

What is little, green, round and come down slowly, screaming ?
a green pea on a stake.

***

There are only 10 types of people in the world — those who understand binary, and those who get laid.

***

What is the difference between an afro american and a tire ?
When you put chains on tires, they don't sing the blues.

***

What do you get when you cross an anopheles mosquito with a mountain climber?
Nothing: you can't cross a vector with a scaler.

Originally Posted by shautieh

There are only 10 types of people in the world — those who understand binary, and those who get laid.

01101111011101010110001101101000001000000011111000 111000


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It is the first day of school for the kindergarten class,
as the teacher walked in the classroom, she noticed something was
written on the board.

The chalkboard read "T T T 1A". She looked at the children
and said, " who wrote this?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and says, " I did, teacher".

The teacher says,"Well,what does that mean, Johnny?"

Johnny answers, "It means, To The Teacher 1 Apple", and
gives the teacher an apple. "Very good", says the teacher, "Thank You".

The next morning, the teacher walks in the classroom, and
notices something written on the board. The chalkboard read "T T T 1O".
She asked the children, "Who wrote this?"

Then little Bobby answers, "I did,teacher". The teacher
says, "well Bobby, what does that mean?"

Bobby says, "It means, To The Teacher 1 Orange", and gives
the teacher an orange.

"Very good, Bobby, thank you."

The next morning, she walks in the classroom, and she
noticed the board read, "F o U o C o K-1-T".

The teacher, disappointed, said, "WHO WROTE THIS!!"

Then little Juanito, raises his hand and says, " I did,
teacher".

The teacher says, " Well, what does this mean, Juanito?"

Juanito answers, "It means, From Us Chicano Kids 1 Tamale".

--------

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

----------

A doctor at a college campus is giving free physicalls for one week only. Early in the week a girl comes into his office, and the doctor asks her to remove her shirt. The girl proceeds and the doctor immediately notices the girl has a large A in the middle of her chest; the doctor asks how did she got that A on her chest. The girl responds by saying that her boyfriend goes to the university of Alabama and when they make love he likes to keep his letterman's jacket on. The doctor finds this rather strange, but just shrugs it off. A little later that week he sees another girl, and when she removed her shirt the doctor noticed a large I in her chest; the doctor asks how did she got that I in her chest. The girl tells the doctor that her boyfriend goes to the university of Iowa and when they have sex he likes to keep his letterman's jacket on. The doctor than begins to wonder if all college students keep their letterman's jacket on during intercourse. Even later that week, another young women comes in and removes her shirt. Sure enough there was a large W carved into the women's chest. The doctor quickly says: Let me guess, your boy friend goes to Wisconsin? The girl replies: No, my girlfriend goes to Minnesota.