dalala~ it's JLee's jokes~
Dalala~ <-- Thats been stuck in my head ever since I saw Yucchi's "dalala its Yucchi!!" Thread -_-;; Anyway..Here's some jokes..Not ALL of them were made my me - In fact, most of them weren't. But that's not the point.
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business! The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?" With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.
Patrick, who was vacationing in the Bahamas couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.
"Mate, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small - and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya man... you'll have all the babes ya want!"
The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!
So he went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, "What's wrong now?" "Damn, Mate!" said the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!!"
A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid.", answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm .... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with."
The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What?! There's no pool here?"
Long pause... "Uh .... is this 832-4821?"
Okay~ =D Tell me if you guys like them..Cause I will be updating..>_<
Last edited by ジャキー [JLee]; 02-23-2007 at 02:07 AM.
okie i'll share some also... Marriage Humor
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he
knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover
it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the
bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for
these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I
asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN - A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can
take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the
root, and still be afraid of a spider.
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day... "30,000 to a man's 15,000." The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his
wife and asked, "What?"
A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and
so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to
explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said,
" You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because
that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you
should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the
coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched
the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several
pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.
not to hate, but these aren't funny
I was going to point that out when it was just JLee, but I figured since I'm a noob I shouldn't go first...
On the upside, you and reccacomic can enjoy sending jokes to each other personally JLee, since it seems you have the same sort of sense of humor...
u guys don't have a sense of humor at all
at least i found few are funny ;D
The Maid one was pretty funny.
That second batch was pretty crap though. Sorry That Silent Treatment one was just stupid. Why couldn't he just set an alarm? Why should his wife wake him? If my gf relied on me to wake her without sorting it out herself, I'd give her a hearty slap.
I like to die with the songs I love stuck in my head. I hope to make the most of these hollow bones we become.
I raise a toast to the the souls that sang all along. I've been gathering friends to just to make some sounds,
before the ship goes down, I've been making amends by making the rounds before the whole world ends
[Chit Chat Specific Forum Rules] // Last Update - Friday March 13, 2009
Well, you guys get some credit for trying.
Redeem yourselves with less cheesy ones.
(Especially JLee for stealing csuti's thread title for a few sub par jokes)
I'm watching you.
*Pulls out DN*
meh. just okay. I dont regret the time spent reading them.