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  1. #11
    Digital_Eon's Avatar
    Digital_Eon is offline Super Moderator Community Builder
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    Oh, the maid one is good... I've heard it before. ^_^ But didn't we have a jokes thread once? That could be necroed for a good reason?
    ~Digital_Eon~




  2. #12
    Aikido is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    I'm debating on the use of "good" in that post DE.

  3. #13
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    csuti is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    OMG!! you stole my phrase!!!!
    *chuu goes berserk on thread*

  4. #14
    ジャキー [JLee] is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    It was stuck in my head~! -_-;; Sorry.

    Desert Island

    A married couple has been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there.

    "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."

    The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"

    They yell back, "We're not screwing!"

    A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"

    Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!"

    Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no screwing!"

    They yell back, "We're not screwing!" Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it.

    The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing."



    This one is a long one...


    The Purple Gorilla

    A man walks into a bar and starts to drink.

    After he is pretty well sozzled, one of the bartenders starts to talk about his pet, a fun loving purple gorilla. The drunken man demands to see this purple gorilla. The bartender refuses at first, but in the end is convinced to show his prize animal.

    "But whatever you do, don't you touch my purple gorilla." he tells the now drunk customer.

    He closes the bar, and leads the drunk through a back door and down a great many flights of stairs, at the bottom of which is a heavy steel door with a heavy iron padlock.

    As the bartender fumbles with the lock, he reminds the drunk, "Remember, you promised not to touch my purple gorilla."

    Through the door they walk down an immense hallway, so long the other end was lost in the distance. Constantly as they walked, the bartender repeated his warnings not to touch the purple gorilla.

    At the end of the hallway was a 20 foot tall rough wooden door bound in brass, with three great steel sliding bolts.
    Acting as though he were ready to change his mind the bartender once more says, "Now you promised, if I show you this creature, you are absolutely, positively, under no circumstances going to touch my purple gorilla. The drunk, who by now is getting quite anxious to see this wondrous beast, agrees with the bartender that he would never for any reason at all touch such a rare and wonderful pet.

    With that the bartender unlatches the three massive slide bolts and slowly opens the door. On the other side is a stadium sized room in the middle of which was a large iron cage. As they approached the cage, the drunk saw that there was indeed, a 12 foot tall, massively muscled, purple haired gorilla. And a finer specimen of the species has never and will never be found, in this world or any other. For half an hour at least the drunk stood marveling at the creature, until the bartender tells him that he needs to get back to help at the bar.

    The drunk convinces him to allow him to stay and continue to examine the purple gorilla. The bartender leaves him with one last demand to not touch the wonderful animal.
    Now the drunk, being reminded of his promise not to touch the purple gorilla, starts to wonder why the bartender was so insistent about not touching the beast. Would touching it make him smarter, stronger, richer, or irresistible to women? After an hour
    he gave in to the temptation, and touched the purple gorilla.

    "A A A A R R R R R G G G G G G H H H H H H H ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"
    growled the monster as it began to tear at the bars. The fog in the drunk's brain cleared instantly with instant sobriety as the first bar came loose from the cage wall. He turned and ran. As he slid the three slide bars closed on the wooden door, he heard the cage fall in pieces on the floor as the huge purple gorilla came after him. Running down
    the hall towards the stairs, he wondered why he had even considered breaking his promise not to touch the purple gorilla. As he reached the steel door he heard the wooden door smash into firewood, and the heavy thudding of the immense omnivore tearing down the hall after him. As he shut the steel door, he caught a glimpse of purple.

    Panting and out of breath, he ascended the stairs. Only half way up, he heard the screech of the steel door being torn off its hinges. Looking over his shoulder as he opened the back door of the bar, he saw the slobbering, many sharp toothed, growling purple face getting way too close to him.

    As he passed through the entrance to the bar, the back door exploded into splinters, and the purple gorilla leaped across the room in a single bound, the drunk stumbled and hit the sidewalk.

    Lying there trembling, sure that these were the last few seconds he would have on this earth, the sobered drunk looked up to see the dark, fang lined cavernous maw, and the rippling purple muscles of the horror as it reached down to him.




    "Tag, you're It." it said.


    And thank you to everybody who gave me positive comments..And even neutral comments..~_~
    Last edited by ジャキー [JLee]; 02-23-2007 at 11:22 AM.

  5. #15
    cpr's Avatar
    cpr
    cpr is offline Super Moderator Community Builder
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    Jlee's first set was funny.

    Then rec's was mad boring...

    and then Jlee's 2nd set wasn't too good.

    I wouldn't recommend the Blue. I'm on the I-Bulletin skin and the blue is painful to my eyes.

  6. #16
    ジャキー [JLee] is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    Hmm..I didn't like the second one aswell..I didn't really get them either..How about this one..:

    Dog Fart?


    A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has
    to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a BAD case of gas and really
    needs to relieve some pressure. Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch
    next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices
    they will think that the dog did it. He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get
    down from there." The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He
    releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This
    goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get
    down before he shits on you."

  7. #17
    mystic_guard_sinoel is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Those weren't funny at all. Work on your jokes.

  8. #18
    ジャキー [JLee] is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    Quote Originally Posted by mystic_guard_sinoel View Post
    Those weren't funny at all. Work on your jokes.
    What do you have against me -_-;; But really..None of them were funny? Not a bit..? I'll still be updating though..And try to get a good one..

  9. #19
    coolerimmortal is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    I'm still waiting for the funny.

  10. #20
    mystic_guard_sinoel is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Quote Originally Posted by ジャキー [JLee] View Post
    What do you have against me -_-;; But really..None of them were funny? Not a bit..? I'll still be updating though..And try to get a good one..
    Nothing personally but if you take the name of a thread created by someone with actual talent you had better be able to hold up to their standard.

 

 
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