Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 33

Thread: Funny Shit

  1. #1
    yoda is offline Senior Member Respected Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    in a freezing country
    Posts
    530

    Default Funny Shit

    i was looking in my stuff and i found something really funny

    Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,"
    offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

    The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new
    form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off
    with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
    As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story.
    You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.
    The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the
    story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will
    then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

    Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the
    story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails
    and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over
    when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

    The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
    Rebecca and Gary

    THE STORY:

    (first paragraph by Rebecca)

    At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile,
    which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too
    much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. And
    she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness
    was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting
    up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

    (second paragraph by Gary)

    Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in
    orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of
    an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty
    night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
    communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before
    he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole
    through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his
    seat and across the cockpit.

    (Rebecca)

    He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang
    of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him.
    Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of
    Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
    Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and
    bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
    unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from
    her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose
    one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
    (Gary)

    Little did she know that she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above
    the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The
    dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
    through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who
    were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the
    treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
    pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical
    plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
    top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt
    the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million
    other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow
    this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

    (Rebecca)

    This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent,
    chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

    (Gary)

    Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary
    equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
    F--KING TEA? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
    novels!"

    (Rebecca)

    Asshole

    (Gary)

    Bitch

    (Rebecca)

    F__K YOU -- YOU NEANDERTHAL!
    (Gary)

    Go drink some tea - whore.

    (TEACHER)

    A+ - I really liked this one

  2. #2
    mystic_guard_sinoel is offline Senior Member Community Builder
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    The 14th Moon
    Posts
    5,234

    Default

    Wait a second. You expect me to believe that these people are in college?

  3. #3
    deuce22 is offline Senior Member Community Builder
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    4,146

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mystic_guard_sinoel View Post
    Wait a second. You expect me to believe that these people are in college?
    you'll be surprised how dumb some ppl can be in college. -_-

    edit: btw, i didnt read the insert. so i have no clue what this thread is about....ahaha.


  4. #4
    csuti's Avatar
    csuti is offline Senior Member Community Builder
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    4,841

    Default

    this was posted before.

  5. #5
    ジャキー [JLee] is offline Member Frequent Poster
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    68

    Default

    Its uh..Not THAT funny..

  6. #6
    cpr's Avatar
    cpr
    cpr is offline Super Moderator Community Builder
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    4,952

    Default

    ya know... what Gary wrote reminds me of Ish. All that sciency stuff. XD

  7. #7
    Aikido is offline Senior Member Community Builder
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    2,658

    Default

    Yeah, I remember reading this like 4 years ago. Literally.
    It's damn funny though.

  8. #8
    Dante Obscuri is offline Senior Member Community Builder
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Sodom and Gomorrah - Cocytus
    Posts
    3,254

    Default

    What? Look at his poor usage of descriptions like "bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay". Ishman would have done it way better.

    Besides, what a lack of imagination, I mean, Laurie might have been thinking about which tea to use, in order for her plans of revenge against Carl to be more elegant. The liquid substance used with the tea, would have been liquid hydrogen. Carl would have died a painful death.


  9. #9
    Ishman is offline Senior Member Always Around
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    above the ecliptic plane
    Posts
    1,999

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by coolpuprocks View Post
    ya know... what Gary wrote reminds me of Ish. All that sciency stuff. XD

    Your death shall be an indescribable delight for me to carry out.

    I hope you like blowtorches I know I do.

  10. #10
    TrueBeaver is offline Banned Frequent Poster
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    42

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ishman View Post
    Your death shall be an indescribable delight for me to carry out.

    I hope you like blowtorches I know I do.
    I like blowing kittens Oh wait...

 

 
Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
vBulletin Skin by: ForumThemes.com
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.0
Copyright © 2014 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79