Thread: Funny Shit

i was looking in my stuff and i found something really funny

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,"
offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new
form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off
with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story.
You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.
The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the
story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will
then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the
story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails
and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over
when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and Gary

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile,
which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too
much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. And
she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness
was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting
up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in
orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of
an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty
night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before
he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole
through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his
seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang
of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him.
Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of
Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and
bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose
one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(Gary)

Little did she know that she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above
the city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The
dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who
were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the
treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical
plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt
the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million
other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow
this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent,
chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary
equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
F--KING TEA? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels!"

(Rebecca)

Asshole

(Gary)

Bitch

(Rebecca)

F__K YOU -- YOU NEANDERTHAL!
(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one

Wait a second. You expect me to believe that these people are in college?

Originally Posted by mystic_guard_sinoel

Wait a second. You expect me to believe that these people are in college?

you'll be surprised how dumb some ppl can be in college. -_-

edit: btw, i didnt read the insert. so i have no clue what this thread is about....ahaha.

this was posted before.

Its uh..Not THAT funny..

ya know... what Gary wrote reminds me of Ish. All that sciency stuff. XD

Yeah, I remember reading this like 4 years ago. Literally.
It's damn funny though.

What? Look at his poor usage of descriptions like "bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay". Ishman would have done it way better.

Besides, what a lack of imagination, I mean, Laurie might have been thinking about which tea to use, in order for her plans of revenge against Carl to be more elegant. The liquid substance used with the tea, would have been liquid hydrogen. Carl would have died a painful death.

Originally Posted by coolpuprocks

ya know... what Gary wrote reminds me of Ish. All that sciency stuff. XD

Your death shall be an indescribable delight for me to carry out.

I hope you like blowtorches — I know I do.

Originally Posted by Ishman

Your death shall be an indescribable delight for me to carry out.

I hope you like blowtorches — I know I do.

I like blowing kittens Oh wait...