*Disclaimer* If you are offended at anything remotely sexist, racist, slag.... and other derogatory terms for those of smaller races, i suggest you turn back now**
The Japanese Dilemma
Following the recent shifts in economic power, specifically in the Pacific-Asian hemisphere, it struck me that, we really knew nothing about the Japanese Asians that continue to faithfully create intricate objects that last no longer then the average time of a Japanese man’s erection. Thus I set myself in immersing myself into the daily lives and patterns that the Japanese lead. Towards the end of my studies, I found a startling discovery. This secretive society, a society with a culture so vast that western minds could only grasp at, had a deep and dirty secret.
In the beginning of this research thesis I merely set out to understand the cultural differences between western and eastern. After all, knowing China would someday, bring froth the downfall of America, it was only a fair assessment that I should quickly, and as indiscreetly as possible jump ship towards a newer growing power, that of the Asians. So as I began this cultural journey, I decided to begin with the euphuistic Japanese. I mean, why not? Were their women at some point, not the idols of our sadistic fantasies? Anyway, with this in mind I fled, or… as those of a more civilized mind prefer to say, flew to Japan, towards the city of Osaka.
Now at this point, I must warn you, the following months to come after me were not pretty times. It was during these times that I came into first contact with my inner demons. Osaka, a city of Otaku’s and rightly so! Half-breed Japanese women were everywhere, and knowing that all half-breeds are invariably hot I quickly found myself in a sodomy of Japanese women, regardless of social status, age or hygienic purity. As I sit here, in the dead of night, writing this essay-thesis… thing, I realize, I should have at least worn some sort of protection for over 47% of all Japanese women engage in a sexual act at the age of 14. Anyway, moving along I devoured everything remotely cultural in that large, urban city, from women to food, from food to technology, from technology to urban myths, from urban myths to religion.
It was here at this point I came across some interesting trivia. As we all know, the average Japanese male is a midget. And rightly so for their incestuous ways with their sisters and close cousins after endless hours of slaving away at the sweat factories leave them with little to no time to call up a local brothel service. (They deliver almost everything over there) Now these midgets or Frodo’s as I like to call them, have interesting notions with their women. Quoting a notable professor from the leading Tokyo University, Professor Korudunaito was once stated to have said, “incest is…after all, a game the whole family can play,” with these startling revelations I began to notice strange things with the cultural standings of Japanese Women. Most, if not all of them, had or was in the process of being sexual harassed, now following a number of numerous tests, conducted both personally and with hired help, it was recorded in a case of 890 women, over 80% of them or 78.95% of them began to actively enjoy this harassment after a certain period of time, namely 5 minutes. So, I came to understand, after a period of 5 minutes, a Japanese women will allow her harasser to have his way with her.
Now this certainly startled me. What where this Frodo’s teaching their women? No… more importantly, what was it that made these women behave in this unusual fashion?
Now, being the curios fiend that I am, I had to find out. My studies led me towards the great World War, in which Japan started a cultural revolution. In World War 2, many of which you will not be familiar with, it seems that Japanese women, as a whole were viewed as sex objects. Or, using the familiar western slang, ‘slabs of meat’ Now while their male Frodo’s counterparts were off needlessly sacrificing themselves to blow up a wall in a kamikaze attack in a remote island off the peninsula of Cape Town, Japanese Women struggled to ensure that their blood-lines continued. The Japanese remedy to this problem? Swallow their honor and allow western military blood to infuse with them.
Now many of you at this point will be cringing in horror at the great injustices western men had to endure. After all, during that era, Japanese women were not the stunning AIDs infested beauties we see today. No, they were miniature Frodo’s with feet just as hairy as their movie counter-parts. Following the Trauma western men had to suffer at these Frodo’s, the Japanese man, of male Frodo returned to find their wives mysteriously pregnant, and their children with stunning blue eyes. (May I also at this time take the liberty to remind you that blue eyes at the time meant a great wealth would befall the child with the eyes, namely in the form of breasts larger then the average tennis ball and hair not as stringy as wire mesh)
Eventually it seems, the male Frodo’s discovered what had happened. And at this point they could do nothing to change what had happened, apart from castrating their women as a cultural tradition. (This is why most Japanese women scream loudly while in the act of ‘jiggy-jiggy,’ it is not that they can actually feel pleasure, it’s just their cultural tradition to scream and moan loudly at anything relating to their past transgressions) Following this sordid act of nationwide adultery a new law was soon passed in the great land of midget Frodo’s. It seems, Women where to be viewed as the lowest form of male companionship, just above that of the dog due to their sexual capabilities. Although at this point, I wouldn’t put it past a male Frodo to go after his dog in an action of season-time lust. So why is it that Japanese women today, still feel no dishonor at being ‘used and abused’ from the tender age of 12 and above? After all, the great Mangaka Kishimoto was quoted to have said, ‘I like my women young, and dressed in fish-nets, preferably before the age of 14’. I personally found this distasteful. After all, was not the Japanese pornstar a lot more erotic in her actions then that of 14 year of Sailor Moon?
Moving along, once the Japanese midgets, I mean men had found out and passed the law, women were nothing but meat slaves, this was all good and jolly for the following 200 years of peace. But was peace what was really on their minds? It seems not. In a recent move of surprising ingenuity, it seems that the Japanese congress has passed a law allowing all western men to have their way with Japanese women in acts of wild abandon without public retribution. Intrigued and annoyed. (After all I had paid a good 200 yen for my women) I looked further into the ‘bill’ that was recently passed. To my great surprise, I discovered that over 2/3 of the Japanese congress was actually filled with women. Now however these women may have obtained their positions is anyone’s guess. Although I do have a number of suspicions regarding Kuroro-chan and Anko-chan and the Japanese president, Master Frodo. Anyway, these women, it now seems, had never truly forgotten about their male Frodo counterparts living in the lush lands of bacon and fries, growing to over 6 feet tall and lasting longer then the average ‘made in china’ pocket radio. This new bill, under the guise that, (quote from Kirinto, my Japanese neighbor in Osaka) “incest no more fun, yes” had planned that with the introduction of western blood into the Japanese bloodstream, their people would grow to be at least 5 feet and have decent hair. Now really, what is their true motive? At this point, with all my delusional discoveries I was tempted to believe them, I really was, but what threw me off them again was their undeniable appetite for all things western. From the mail order ‘orgasmatron’ to the ‘rotator 5000’ I was led to believe this was a land of sex crazed females, suppressed buy their dominant male Frodo’s for well over three centuries. After all, they were a race of pint sized Frodo’s, obsessed with the ‘jiggy-jiggy’ and knowing no bounds since the age of 14.
Towards the end of this little stint I found out, what I had really gotten myself into. Unbeknown to me, it seemed that 5 female Japanese citizens had managed to cage me in as they took over the residences surrounding my apartment. Now as I see them come over with the guise of simple house-warming gifts I know my house will be more then warmed when they all swarm in. but hey~ what can we do. We all make mistakes, and it’s better then being stuck in the slums of Chinese pig-farms.
-Now if any of you took offense at this, don't. It's just some harmless mindless rambling with a seemingly underlying cause but with no objective. It was late and i was bored.
And the disclaimer i wrote at the top stops any legal actions. i think.