# Thread: Physics Killed the Fat Old Man

1. Senior Member Community Builder
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## Physics Killed the Fat Old Man

And whoever got the cultural reference receives a free internets.
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There are approximately two billion children (persons under 1 in the
world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish
or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for
Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the
population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children
per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least
one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems
logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for
each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a
second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the
stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever
snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh
and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around
the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the
purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per
household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops
or breaks.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the
speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle,
the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a
conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the
sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On
land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even
granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the
job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000
of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh,
another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen
Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
resistance¡. This would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a
spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short,
they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or
right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from
a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to
acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems
ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015
pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to
a quivering blob of pink goo.
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I guess this makes the "What do you want for Christmas?" thread obsolete...

2. Senior Member Frequent Poster
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i still get goodies. i have a santa called 'dad'. and his elf help called 'mom'.

3. bravo, you fucking owned Santa... you get an "A" in mythbusting

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Nice job with the theory, but I kinda see a major flaw.
You forgot about the part where Santa is "Magical".

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TIME TRAVEL ACTIVATE!

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7. That's almost as good as "Is Hell endothermic or exothermic?" Great find.

I liked how much detail it goes into. Even my pessimistic ass never thought about the G-forces or the heat from air resistance. XD

And by the way... sonic booms from exploding raindeer... funniest shit I've heard in weeks. XD

Note: Maybe Roudolf's nose is some kind of advanced heat sheild with a incredibly high rate of absorbtion and heat deflection (err... do you have to have one or the other on that?), so it's not actually glowing from the inside out, but just the opposite! O_o
Where is Ishman to help me with my delusional, 4AM theories when I need him? XD

8. Senior Member Long Time Member
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Still amusing. But yes, you're forgetting "magic".

9. Senior Member Community Builder
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Oh please, everyone knows magic > physics. Unless you can build a lightsaber. But even then, without the mystical thingy that is the Force, you'd just end up castrating yourself.

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fuck physics ruined my life

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