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  1. #1
    be0wulf is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Default Physics Killed the Fat Old Man

    And whoever got the cultural reference receives a free internets.
    ______________________________

    There are approximately two billion children (persons under 1 in the
    world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish
    or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for
    Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the
    population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children
    per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least
    one good child in each.

    Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
    time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems
    logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for
    each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a
    second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the
    stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever
    snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh
    and get onto the next house.

    Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around
    the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the
    purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per
    household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops
    or breaks.

    This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the
    speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle,
    the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a
    conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

    The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that
    each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the
    sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On
    land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even
    granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the
    job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000
    of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh,
    another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen
    Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

    600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
    resistance¡. This would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a
    spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
    would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short,
    they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
    behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
    reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or
    right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

    Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from
    a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to
    acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems
    ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015
    pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to
    a quivering blob of pink goo.
    ______________________________

    I guess this makes the "What do you want for Christmas?" thread obsolete...


    http://www.chunlikickedme.com

  2. #2
    Impromptu_Caveat is offline Senior Member Frequent Poster
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    Default

    i still get goodies. i have a santa called 'dad'. and his elf help called 'mom'.
    It ain't pretty,After the show,It ain't pretty when the pretty leaves you,
    With no place to go,If you think you need it,Here's the place to feed it,But it ain't pretty....
    Arm yourself because no-one else here will save you,The odds will betray you,And I will replace you,
    You can't deny the prize it may never fulfill you,It longs to kill you,Are you willing to die?
    The coldest blood runs through my veins,You know my name...
    Ode to the carnage of one resident modship.......

  3. #3
    StealDragon's Avatar
    StealDragon is offline Super Moderator Community Builder
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    Default




    bravo, you fucking owned Santa... you get an "A" in mythbusting


    I'd like to die with the songs I love stuck in my head. I hope to make the most of these hollow bones we become.
    I raise a toast to the the souls that sang all along. I've been gathering friends to just to make some sounds,
    before the ship goes down, I've been making amends by making the rounds before the whole world ends


    [Chit Chat Specific Forum Rules] // Last Update - Friday March 13, 2009

  4. #4
    VXRider is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    Nice job with the theory, but I kinda see a major flaw.
    You forgot about the part where Santa is "Magical".

  5. #5
    Terasiel is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    TIME TRAVEL ACTIVATE!

  6. #6
    nah_ass is offline Member Frequent Poster
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    Default


  7. #7
    Volvogga's Avatar
    Volvogga is offline Senior Member Always Around
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    Default

    That's almost as good as "Is Hell endothermic or exothermic?" Great find.

    I liked how much detail it goes into. Even my pessimistic ass never thought about the G-forces or the heat from air resistance. XD

    And by the way... sonic booms from exploding raindeer... funniest shit I've heard in weeks. XD

    Note: Maybe Roudolf's nose is some kind of advanced heat sheild with a incredibly high rate of absorbtion and heat deflection (err... do you have to have one or the other on that?), so it's not actually glowing from the inside out, but just the opposite! O_o
    Where is Ishman to help me with my delusional, 4AM theories when I need him? XD
    Vol~

    thanks to Silverwmoon!

  8. #8
    Dascu is offline Senior Member Long Time Member
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    Read this a while ago.
    Still amusing. But yes, you're forgetting "magic".

  9. #9
    AKofC is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Oh please, everyone knows magic > physics. Unless you can build a lightsaber. But even then, without the mystical thingy that is the Force, you'd just end up castrating yourself.

  10. #10
    klpz is offline Senior Member Frequent Poster
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    fuck physics ruined my life
    heh.

 

 
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