When last we saw Jesus he was hanging on the Cross ready to die for our sins but the Romans had forgotten one key detail. The fourteenth disciple....VIN DIESEL!
As pontius washed his hand and the pharisees giggled like little schoolgirls, Vin assaulted the the hill an uzi in one hand using Judas as a meat shield.
Mowing through an entire Roman Legion with ease while Judas bled out like the pig he was.
Vin ascended to the crown of the hill and stood before Jesus where he spake thusly "Yo Jesus are you gonna hang there and take this shit or are you gonna join me and kick some ass?" To which Jesus replied "As my Father in Heaven said to me 'What took you so long' motherfucker?'" and tore his way off the cross leaving the nails still embedded there and dropped beside Vin. At that point the Pharisees called upon their army of Ninja midgets to surround them.
Now faced with such terrifying odds any normal man would have shat their pants but not Vin and the big J dropping his empty uzi vin pulled out a lone toothpick and smiled while Jesus went for a weapon he could really cause some damage with and tore off Judas' head with the spine still attached . At this the ninja midgets did hesitate til Jesus spoke and all did fall silent to hear his words "Come on motherfuckers Judas is ready to turn the other cheek so I can kick your ass with it!" And thus did begin a battle that is still spoken of in hushed whispers by midget ninjas everywhere of Vin, who said not a single word but with every strike of his toothpick a score did fall. While Jesus laughing and shouting "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth after I kill you sons of bitches!" and "Let he who is without sin get the fuck out of the way! I'm cleaning house!" and thus the battle continued for three days and nights until at the end a thousand thousand midget ninjas and their pharisee masters lay dead at the feet of Jesus and Vin. And still Pilate sat washing his hands and Jesus did step forward eager to finish this but Vin did restrain him with these words "He's too much for you Jesus, I'll handle him get Mary Magdalene and get the hell out of here. And if it's a boy call him Vin." to which Jesus said "Of course dude and know My Father is with you." And so Vin did begin the final battle with Pilate who once he stopped washing his hands grew 50 feet tall and was revealed as a mutant Cyborg from the future who shot laser beams from his eyes. Now no man knows for sure what happened that day all that was ever found after the explosion that blotted out the sun was Pilate's head. I asked Jesus about it and he said that he had faith Vin lived and was still out there and would return one day when the world needed him again and to honour him until that day Jesus did create a place where man and woman could hare dreams and hopes of a better world and he did call it YOUTUBE! Of course the pope edited all this out of the bible because of Vin's eternal feud with the coasa nostra but thats another story.
Now I know what you people think but this is the truth. I heard this story from Lewis the wandering escaped Asylum Patient.