Thread: Baby jokes!(child abuse...)

The one with the best wins a cookie!
I'll go first(even though i can't win)
1. How can you stop a baby crawling around in circles?
answer; nail it's other hand to the floor.

Whats worse than 100 dead babies in a barrel?
One live baby in 100 barrels.

How many Jewish babies can you fit in an ashtray?

Oh wait.

What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

What do you call a baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.

How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.

What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.

Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!

What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?
Stopping it with a shovel.

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.

What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall?
Ripping them off again.

Why didn't they crucify baby Jesus?
I don't know why they didn't either.

What present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.

How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.

What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.

What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan?
A trashcan in a dead baby.

What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.

Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was chained to a bumper

What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

What's red, screams and goes around in circles?
A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.

What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.

What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?
A watermelon floats.

What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.


What did the blind, dumb, deaf and quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.

What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life
You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter

What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?
A Paedophiles ass.

What's worse than smoking pot with a baby?
Making a bong out of it

What's the difference between a baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.

What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.

How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.

What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.

What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.

What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.

What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.

What's grosser than gross?
A garbage can full of dead babies.
What's grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive.
What's grosser than that?
He has to eat his way to freedom.
What's grosser than that?
He goes back for more.

What happens when you burn baby's face off?
It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.

What's more fun than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a puppy.

What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.

What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
Hold on. I'll tell you in a second.

What's pink and spits?
A baby in a frying pan.

How do you make a baby cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.

What's the best sound in the world?
Hearing dead baby's hips crack under pressure!

What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
Sticking pins in their eyes.

What's sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.

How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.

What do you call a dead baby with its skin peeled off?
Sexy.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.

What's bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.

All stolen, I gave myself a head ache from laughing at these.

whats red, boiling and tapping on the window?
a baby in the microwave.

what's worse than a baby in a dumpster?
one baby in two dumpsters.

what's worse than five dead babies on a pitchfork?
one dead baby on five pitchforks.

Why it's so great to rape babies?

You'll hear the bones snap when you 'come'.

Q: What was the best dead baby joke I ever saw?
A: A guy getting booed off stage for telling dead baby jokes.

Fuck you all; my lungs hurt like a bitch now.
XD

How do you get a baby into Tupperware?
A blender.

How do you get it out?
Tostitos.

Originally Posted by Spurgu

Why it's so great to rape babies?

You'll hear the bones snap when you 'come'.

i vote for this one, clear winner in my books