Originally Posted by AKofCI was dating a girl for nearly 2 years. Her name was Katherine. We shared the same boarding house, and that's how we met. She had this cute nose, a slender neck, silky hair that cuts off at the neck, but no breasts. Love was in the air and what not so eventually she moved in into my room. Anyway, during sem break, I went back home to gather up my things, and that went fairly quickly, so I decided to go back to college a week early to spend time with her.
As I pulled up the driveway, I noticed this red van that belonged to a guy in her organization parked across the street. I didn't really think much of it. So I walked out to the front of the house and saw that it was still locked because the landlady was still not back from Europe and most of the boarders went back to their hometowns. So I decided to shuffle round back and surprise her by climbing up the balcony to my room. I should not have done that as when I climbed up I heard moaning. Being the little pervert that I am, I applied the lessons I learned from Solid Snake and hugged the wall, crouching to take a peek through the glass doors.
And there she was, a night shirt on doing the cowgirl on the guy who owned the van. She never moaned when we were having sex. So I decide to stay quiet as guy who owned the van was bigger than me and probably did sports and what not. After they finish, she removed the condom and begins cleaning up his penis such that her vagona was on top of his face to brush clean. This goes on for a while and then bam. She gives him a Dutch Oven. It went everywhere, on his face, chest, the sheets, and then she gets up and kisses him getting it in her face and breasts as he rubbed them there. This went on for a while before they cleaned up. I didn't wait for the small talk. I hopped back down, and drove away to the local bar and went emo. Then I mustered the strength to go to the convenience store to buy chips. And soda. Chips and soda. As well as a disposable camera. The following day, after a game of golf, I waited for the two of them to leave.
When they were gone, I went back to the room, hid in the closet, and ate my chips as I waited their return. When they got back, I waited for a while and when they got to a 69 position I kicked the closet door down and went out with weapon in hand.
She was surprised to see me, her eyes raised in alarm and shock. I think I saw tears then. Regardless, I said.
'Guess what time it is bitch?'
She says 'uh... four?' after glancing at the clock.
'Uh... what?' I asked puzzled. I looked at the clock and swore, 'God damn it.' I told her to stay there as I went over and adjusted the time to an hour back.
Then I asked her the time again.
'Wrong, it's FORE bitch!' as I swung my golf glub in her general direction.
Unfortunately it turns out they were doing a gangbang with the soccer team, whose members rushed up the stairs naked, tackling me with swift kicks as I gazed in horror at how unfair life was.
I spent many months in the hospital. And only one thing kept on running through my mind. One thing about how unfair life was. The one thing that bothered me those many months was,
HOW THE FUCK DO THESE GUYS HAVE BIGGER PENISES THAN ME!?!
I apologize, but I had to bump this thread up so everyone can read this amazing story again...
(I've been laughing for about five minutes, that's some good shit...)