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  1. #1
    Cold-NiTe's Avatar
    Cold-NiTe is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Thumbs up Cold-NiTe, Racist to the MAX.

    So I was walking down the street when I saw some asians eating rice while they were on break from their Laundromats and their "insert letter here" Doughnut Shops. Their eldest son had a Honda Civic that he had riced up with all sorts of unnecessary things. When they realized I had spotted their buckteeth selves on break instead of building me some railroads, one of them threw down a smoke bomb and they all disappeared. But just then, I tripped over a slushy and into a gas station's convenience store. There was some funky music with some woman who sounded like a chipmunk singing and an indian and his cousins at the register. His family was in the back watching movies where people broke into song randomly and would not stop dancing in ludicrous ways. I bought some gum while ignoring his horrendous accent as he said 'thank you come again' and caught a taxi cab with an indian driver, who obviously didn't know how to drive, to a seedy motel that his brother-in-law ran. Every one of them I met had the last name "Patel" because they only got one last name where they come from. None of them knew much english and they all lacked hygiene. After staying the night there I got up and walked through the projects to find some black guys shooting at each other with their guns held sideways while simultaneously smoking crack and eating chicken and watermelons. They spoke in ebonics and had all dropped out of school. All the while, their mothers were busy having lots of kids and signing up for welfare. Wandering absentmindedly, I found myself at a NASCAR race, where thousands of drunk uneducated white people with grease stains on their shirts and two first names screamed and roared as cars drove around in giant circles. It was a great big pit of familial love as brothers hit on sisters and cousins got married all while the race was happening. People cheered at car crashes while stuffing their faces and becoming more obese and registering as handicapped so they can park closer and walk less! They were all religious fanatics that shouted and screamed their religion at everyone who didn't have the same one as them. Some of them thanked Jesus for just about anything. Like a good pass in a football game, which they were all fans of. As I left the race I found myself at the southern U.S. border. A strange sensation passed over me at what I could only think of as a massive free-to-participate tryout for the olympics as people ran, jumped, and swam their way to America. As they got in, they smuggled drugs with them from South America and stole hardworking american's jobs. Not that they had any right to try to become americans! Even as they did this they birthed tons of kids that would later skip school and finally drop out ending up working as unskilled labor. They bought communal houses that they all lived in together and lowered the value of the homes around them. But at least they mowed our lawns and cleaned our toilets and we could pay them half the normal rate.

    =================================
    So. Did I miss any stereotypes? It seems a bit short. I think I need some more. And I haven't even done europeans yet. Probably because I don't know the European stereotypes. Also Indians beat out Arabs because I was writing this, so I boosted Indian stereotype awareness by making us one of the Big 5.
    Dear cousin choppitychop89, you were a good relative, though I hardly knew ye.

  2. #2
    Jakko's Avatar
    Jakko is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    /me claps?

  3. #3
    Cold-NiTe's Avatar
    Cold-NiTe is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    We needed a pro-racism thread, since we already have an anti-racism thread.
    Dear cousin choppitychop89, you were a good relative, though I hardly knew ye.

  4. #4
    MojoMunkeez is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    You forgot Canadians.

    And for Europeans: hairy women, girly men.

    And I've got quite a few on Arabs. (i.e. blowing themselves up)



  5. #5
    Cold-NiTe's Avatar
    Cold-NiTe is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Quote Originally Posted by MojoMunkeez
    You forgot Canadians.

    And for Europeans: hairy women, girly men.

    And I've got quite a few on Arabs. (i.e. blowing themselves up)
    Yeah I was thinking about going the terrorist route.

    And damn, I really do need Canadians.

    Hmm, hairy women, is that just russian and italian, or all of them? As for england, all I can think of is bad teeth, so I need Abaile's help.
    Dear cousin choppitychop89, you were a good relative, though I hardly knew ye.

  6. #6
    Jakko's Avatar
    Jakko is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Oh, ok. On that note, "Damn Yankees! I hate 'em! They are like miserable little dogs, and need to be put down! Its a mercy killing, I tell you, a mercy killing!"

    P.S. - If you want, Mart and I can trade some racist jokes back and forth, like we sometimes do on IRC...oh, fun times...

  7. #7
    MojoMunkeez is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Oh, for Scottish people, their currency is potatoes and kiltdollars.

    Here's a beginner's guide: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Life_%28video_game%29

    Because I'm asian: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Asian_People



  8. #8
    Cold-NiTe's Avatar
    Cold-NiTe is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Quote Originally Posted by MojoMunkeez
    Oh, for Scottish people, their currency is potatoes and kiltdollars.

    Here's a beginner's guide: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Life_%28video_game%29

    Because I'm asian: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Asian_People
    There are 5 main races for the player to choose from, each with its own advantages and disadvantages:

    * Leprechauns - They are pale humanoids, and start with a base +2 points in Intelligence, Luck and Wealth. They are boring. They steal money and cheat on taxes.
    * Latino Dwarves - They're tanned and wear big hats. Start with +1 in Agility, +3 Speed, +3 in Labor skills, but -2 in Wealth. They steal wheels.
    * Gnomes - Small humanoids with strange eyes. They start with +3 Intelligence, +2 Dexterity, +5 Mating (but still, 0 Satisfaction). They speak Engrish. They steal patents for new technology.
    * Dark Elves - Tall, dark skinned creatures, the Dark Elves were once leprechaun slaves. They start with +3 Sneaking, +2 Agility, +1 Strength and +5 Rapping. They have bitches. They steal rims.
    * Dark Dwarves - Tanned people who wear big hats and moustaches. Kind of like Mexicans, but less respected. They start with +1 Intelligence, +3 Dexterity, +3 Speed, +3 Agility, +6 Pickpocketing and -5 Charisma. They don't really have a guild of their own. They steal all kinds of shit.
    Oh man I love this already.
    Dear cousin choppitychop89, you were a good relative, though I hardly knew ye.

  9. #9
    98abaile's Avatar
    98abaile is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Quote Originally Posted by MojoMunkeez
    And I've got quite a few on Arabs. (i.e.d. blowing themselves up)
    Fixed.
    1234567890

  10. #10
    Dante Obscuri is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    What kind of indians were you refering in here? Native American or Indian (Hindu)? Because one of those is missing.

    Besides you're not being racist to the MAX Cold-NiTe, I haven't read anything about slavery.


 

 
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