A scotsman, an Englishman and an Aussie are having a drink on holiday in America.
"Y'know" says the Scotsman, "I still prefer my local back in Glasgow, the landlord there will buy your fifth drink for you when you buy four."
"Well," says the Englishman, "at my local the barman buys you your third!"
"ahhhh, that's nothing," says the Aussie, "Back home in Sydney, there's a bar where the minute you set foot in the place, he'll buy you all the drinks you like, then when you've had enough. they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid! All on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotman immediately scorn the Aussie but he swears its the truth.
"And this has actually happened to you?" asks the sceptical Englishman.
"Not me personally, no. But it did happen to my sister."
How do you make a 6yr old cry twice?
Wipe your bloody Richard on her teddy-bear.
you sick bastard!