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  1. #1
    DeVoLi is offline Senior Member Frequent Poster
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    Default Blair Witch Project Spoof

    The Blur Witch Project

    Act One


    Ext Housing Area
    Joe : So sir, do you believe that the blur witch exists?
    Man : EXISTS?? Of course she EXISTS… she STOLE MY DAMN
    CHICKENS
    Lady : But honey, we don’t have any chickens.
    Man : That’s because that bastard witch stole them!

    Ext Housing Area
    Old Man wearing glasses in his hair

    Vince : Excuse me sir… I was wondering if you believe in the blur witch?
    Old man : Of course I do!
    Vince: How come sir?
    Old man : She stole my glasses!
    Vince : Errm….
    Old man : MY SPECIAL glasses too… the ones I use to remember where I
    put things. Some one SHOULD STOP that damn witch.
    *scratches head*

    Ext Housing Area
    Old lady at her gate.

    Joe: Excuse me… have you heard of the blur witch?
    Old lady: WATCH WHO U CALL OLD BITCH you little punk! I might be
    deaf… but I’m not dumb
    Joe: RUN VINCE RUN… SHE’S GOT A GUN!!

    Old lady takes out a gun and starts firing.

    Act Two

    Ext. Forest.

    Joe : We must therefore conclude
    Vince : Therefore conclude we must
    Joe : That the Blur witch DOES EXIST
    Vince : EXIST does the Blur witch
    Joe : If you don’t stop with the yoda bullshit I’ll cut off your pride an
    joy Vince..
    Vince : Huh? My hair?
    Joe : THINK SOUTH STUPID

    *camera moves down south*

    Vince : …. Oh…OHHH!!!

    Ext Forest
    Joe and Vince are walking in the forest.

    Vince : Are you sure you want to find the Blur Witch Joe?
    Joe : Yes… we must help these poor people.
    Vince : But what if we get eaten?
    Joe : Don’t worry you have a natural charm against that.
    Vince: Charm?
    Joe : Yes.. you smell bad and probably taste worse.

    Ext forest
    Joe and Vince walk deeper into the forest.

    Vince : We’re LOST. I told you we should have brought supplies. No
    water. No food. We’re goners for sure!
    Joe : Shut up… we’ve only been here for five minutes
    Vince: I was just practicing. No need to get touchy.
    Joe: I swear if the witch doesn’t kill you… I will!
    Vince : LOOK!
    Joe: See something??
    Vince: ITS MOVING!
    Joe: Oh my GOD!.... ITS JUMPING!
    Vince : Its no bird!
    Joe: Its no plane!
    Vince : It’s the damn witch!
    Joe : Faster than a speeding bullet! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Joe and Vince run away, with the monster in pursuit.

    Ext Forest
    Joe is running and suddenly trips and falls. The monster approaches Joe and looks at the camera Joe dropped. Vince stops running to help Joe.

    Joe : Please don’t eat me like those harmless chickens. I swear I’ll never
    tell the old man about his glasses.

    The monster pulls his hair up and looks like ‘normal’ human, except very messy.

    U Jinn : Sank you veli much arr…. I been lost heah for neahly a year.
    Vince : THE WITCH SPEAKS ENGLISH!
    Joe : And she’s not BLUR
    U Jinn : Haiyah… I is not the blur weech la. I is U Jinn. Many days ago…
    Vince : Is this story going to take long? I need to pee.
    U Jinn : Shut up and listen la! Many months ago.. I is come here with two
    good friends to find the blur witch.
    Vince: Days or months ar?
    U Jinn : Shuttup. I’m telling story lah. We reach a part of the forest. Then
    POOF! My two friend disappeared! The forest suddenly changed. I
    was lost ever since then. Then I find you two monkeys making so much noise.
    Joe : Vince is the only monkey here.
    U Jinn : Yea… true… you too big to be monkey. More like ape.
    Joe: What the hell…
    Vince : HAHA… You’re funny for a witch.
    U Jinn: FIND THE WITCH WE MUST.

    Joe kicks U Jinn in the groin.

    U-Jinn: OUCH! WHY YOU KICK MY…
    Joe : Damn yoda fan boys.

    Act Three

    Ext Forest

    U-Jinn : Is near here lah. I gets losts.
    Vince : I wish you would just get lost again. This place is creepy.
    U-Jinn: Shattap. Ifs I get losts. You will be losts here too. Stupid!
    Vince: I’m not stupid! Tell him Joe!
    Joe: Yea. He’s just super dumb. Calling him stupid is insulting to stupid
    people.
    Vince: See! I told you! Hey… did you see something flash by.
    U-Jinn : It was probably your tiny brain.
    Morpheous: Too much noise you make! The price you will pay!
    Joe: Argghh! Yoda again! I feel a blood vessel bursting!
    Vince: Oh my God… who the hell is that?
    U-Jinn: He must be with the Blur witch’s Becareful!
    Morpheous: I am Morpheous. And your quest for the blur witch STOPS here!
    Vince: Isn’t Morpheous a big black dude with some bad ass weapons?
    Morpheous: Casting problem la. Low budget. Where to find a black guy?
    Vince, U-Jinn, Joe : Cehhhh!
    Morpheous: Take this!

    Vince, U-Jinn and Joe fall down from Morpheous’s martial arts move.

    Morpheous: There is no spoon.
    Vince: Theres no fork either. What’s your point?
    Morpheous: You guys didn’t watch the matrix ar? No spoon means no limit to
    your power. STUPID.
    Vince: I’m not stupid damn it.
    U-Jinn & Joe : Yea… he’s super dumb.
    Vince : Look over there! It’s a can!
    Blur Witch : I’m not a CAN! I’m THE BLUR WITCH! ALL YOUR BASE
    ARE BELONG TO US!
    Vince : How come Blur Witch got man’s voice one ar?
    Blur Witch : I’m a macho witch. Shuttup. Anyway. You will all DIE HERE!
    Joe : Quick! Pass me the weapon!

    Joe catches the Blur Witch with a recycling bag!

    Joe: Make sure to recycle. Put the right item into the right
    space! Save our environment!
    Blur Witch : Noooooo……
    Vince: Eh! Who’s that guy there with the remote control!
    Blur Witch: Nothing. Nothing. Nothing here to see.
    Joe: He must be the REAL Blur Witch! Whack him!
    U-Jinn: No! No no! Don’t wack Ah Pia.
    Morpheous: We give up! Don’t hurt us!
    Vince: Whats going on?
    U-Jinn: Actually. There is no Blur Witch.
    Vince & Joe: What!!
    Morpheous: And my name is Ah Beng. Not Morpheous.
    Vince: My head hurts. What’s going on.
    Ah Pia: You’re the next chosen ones.
    Joe: Chosen for what?
    Morpheous: To continue the tradition.
    U-Jinn: Yes yes, Continue the tradition. Pretend to be the Blur Witch.

    TO BE CONTINUED?

  2. #2
    cronik is offline Senior Member Regular
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    Default

    haha... Singaporean one?

  3. #3
    DeVoLi is offline Senior Member Frequent Poster
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    Default

    malaysian

  4. #4
    DeVoLi is offline Senior Member Frequent Poster
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    Default

    aww.. no one interested
    what a shame... its pretty good too

  5. #5
    Cold-NiTe's Avatar
    Cold-NiTe is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Default

    Haha, I like it, but it's been ages since I've seen that movie. I do have it here, in the new house, so maybe I could give it a watch tonight.
    Dear cousin choppitychop89, you were a good relative, though I hardly knew ye.

  6. #6
    Hitsugaya-The-Great is offline Senior Member Long Time Member
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    Default

    I dunno, but it would have been better if a Leprachaun jumped out of Morpheus though.


    Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

  7. #7
    DeVoLi is offline Senior Member Frequent Poster
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    Default

    Leprachaun??

  8. #8
    DeVoLi is offline Senior Member Frequent Poster
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    Default

    *harmless bump in hopes people will read this and post comments*

  9. #9
    flash is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    becareful, you are breaking the rules (rule #2 and #11), you will get banned for that
    http://stoptazmo.com/chit-chat/announcements.html
    If I were you, I would edit your post so it will seem that you were not aware of what you are doing.
    Last edited by flash; 08-01-2006 at 09:00 AM.

  10. #10
    coolerimmortal is offline Senior Member Community Builder
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by flash
    becareful, you are breaking the rules (rule #2 and #11), you will get banned for that
    http://www.stoptazmo.com/announcement.php?f=15
    If I were you, I would edit your post so it will seem that you were not aware of what you are doing.
    It seems that you are too late...that ship has already sailed.

 

 

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