Hey guys, harshly rate this story I did back in high school.
It was for a project, and I was cleaning my room yesterday and found the first page. So go have a read, and tell me what I'm doing wrong. ^___^
It was the second month of Spring, with the birds chirping, and the bees buzzing, and the flowers blooming as the wind carried forth the words of love, and how more evident could spring be in the little town of Yules? After all, it was here in this cozy little town that Marcusí first love had blossomed, and is still blossoming as far as he was concerned.
The warmth of the sun danced softly upon the freckles on Francesí face, and as the sunlight sparkled upon her curly blonde hair, Marcus thought of her as a golden flower glistening in the midst of a short spring shower. He took note of this, as based upon a one time experience, his one true love adored compliments, and who was he to deprive the poor girl of the attention he was so sure she needed?
After all, they had not seen each other for nearly ten months. In fact, ever since his mother signed him up with the Etara border patrol, all he ever saw was snow in the summer and even more snow in the winter, and sometimes if his unit got lucky, a plump little rabbit sent by the Divine King himself, as it would be no mean feat for a rabbit to trek it all the way from the plains up to the barren wasteland that was the Ferris Mountains and eventually Forte Pass. Of course there were the occasional stragglers from the war with the Republic of Oris, and Marcus was glad he didnít cause his mother enough grief to warrant signing him up for the army. He was hardly in his seventeenth summer when he was signed on, much too young (and smart) to be wasting oneís life fighting against a country of Mages, Marcus thought.
Indeed, his sufferings were harsh and plentiful during those months, but no more. With his service to his nation served, he was ready to hand over the reigns to the younger generation. Namely his brother and his cousins, which would explain the many hearty laughs and jeers that escaped him as the new unit showed up to relieve his of their duties. And it was such that now, he was here at last with the girl he loved, the same girl he had told of his feelings, the same girl who accepted those feelings, and the same girl who cried as much as he did when they found out that he was to serve beginning the next day and was to move out in an hour. Ah, truly, life is grand. For here was Francesí beautiful face signifying spring, ready to oppose the winter ridden face of his former commandant. In fact, Marcus was so deep in appreciation of the almost poetic symbolism, that he didnít actually quite get what Frances was saying. Even such a melancholic face looked good on her.
ďIím sorry Marcus, IíveÖ Iíve fallen for another man.Ē